Where is the off button!?

I'm not sure if I'm getting old, if I'm losing patience, or if I've just been a mom for so long now, that I literally have prayed for an off button for my kids.

I love them, you know I do....but an off button would really make this shit a lot easier. 

Bedtime is a damn life saver. Could you imagine if they never....ever slept!? Ahh!!! I know I know.....stop thinking about it...it's terrifying. 

There is that time right after school, between 2:30 and 4pm when all hell breaks loose. They've been perfect little students all day. Sweet, well mannered, rule abiding students for 6 hours. God forbid they come home and be just as sweet for 5 minutes longer. 

Nope...it can't happen. They've held in their evil far too long. So I get the brunt of their said evil. 

This is when an off button...or shit...pause for that matter....would be real damn swell. 

I made these little people though, so I'll keep them....but you bet you sweet bippy I'm going to be rich and famous one day for inventing an off, pause or MUTE button for children.

Thank me later! ;)

<3

9 months......

Well hello....we meet again. 

It's been 9 months since the last blog I wrote was published. 9 months ago I said I'd be more active with my writing. I'm shocked that it's been 9 months. I really had to look at the publish date several times and thought, wow...I really procrastinated! 

On a serious note....a lot has happened in the past 9 months, and I was really not in the mood to write. In a writing funk if you will. 

My oldest son who just turned 17, moved in with my in laws last November. I thought long and hard about even talking about it on here, but I came to realize that there is absolutely no way that I'm the only parent who goes through extremely hard, soul shaking times with one of her kids. 

I've been through a lot with my kiddos, but this move was especially life changing. I couldn't see any way to write about this and spin it into a positive. There was no positive in those first few months for me. 

I woke up and went to sleep feeling like a failure. Day in and day out I thought to myself...what did I do wrong? But finally.....2 months ago I had a realization that I wish I could have had a long time ago. 

I did nothing wrong. Nobody did. Period. I have to make choices for myself and my youngest children. My 17 year old has to make choices for himself.....whether I agree with them or not...he's going to make them. 

I finally backed off. I didn't want to. He's my son...he's my boy. How do you just "back off". Well....you just do. Sometimes kids have to fall on their own. Sometimes kids have to figure stuff out on their own. 

As hard as it was....as many people told me to...I needed to come to that point on my own and just say I've had enough. 

Sadly he has moved out of my in laws home, for separate but similar issues and is now living down the street with his mother. I know....I know......I'm sure many of you reading that sentence now have their jaws on the floor. Pick them up my friends. You read it right. To be honest and frank.....he needs to be there. 

We are all trying to figure out this new chapter, it'll be interesting and a learning experience for sure, but we will do it!

I'll leave you all with that for now. I have so much more to dive into, so please stay tuned and please.....forgive me for these next couple blogs....what kind of blogger writes on their cell phone!? This one....for now ha!! 

Til next time.

<3

Umm...hello...are you still there?

I can't believe I'm going to admit this.....but it's been almost a year and a half since my last blog. :/

All I can say is life happened. Kids, family, friends...life has been going so fast that any time I even thought about writing again, the moment would pass just as fast as it had come to me.

I looked back at my last few posts and I laughed and felt kind of sad for the year and a half ago me. I was going through a lot then....I guess I still am now, but there is a difference.

The past 2 years have actually been so good for me as a person, as a mom, a wife, a friend. I've spent more time around family, and friends who have become more like family, and it's really put me in a place in my life where I feel good.

My friends have not only really been here for me, but they have taught me something so extremely valuable. To have a back bone. I'm 31 years old and have recently learned that my opinion matters. If I don't like something its absolutely ok for me to speak up.

Of course my anxiety is a daily struggle, but not like it was a while ago. It's there, it will always be there, but I'm able to keep it at bay more and remind myself that I can't control MOST things, and it's ok.

Honestly since spending more time with friends, my anxiety seems to be better than its been in a really long time. Knowing I have some close people to vent to, has helped more than ever.

Having fun get togethers has been a pretty big theme of the past couple years, and I wouldn't change it. My kids aren't babies anymore, so now I'm not just MOM. I'm Kristin. I've found a way to still be here for my kiddos and husband, and still find time to be a friend. For me, it's been what I needed for a long time.

So all in all things are good here. I've been super distracted from the blog world, but I'm back. I can't promise just yet, how often I will write. I have so much to write about, but they are all such different topics ha! I guess that means more blogs right?!

For now I will leave you with something I've learned this past year.....

No matter where you are, who you surround yourself with, and what you are doing....remember the MOST important thing is to love yourself. Nobody can help you with that. If you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.

See you all soon

<3

Overwhemled = Just another side effect of having kids.

Do you ever wonder how well other people really "have it all together"? I do. Sometimes I am at the store and see other parents walk around the store so effortlessly with quiet kids, NO LIST, and a cart full of healthy foods. HOW?!

I feel frazzled and overwhelmed many of my days, and then I wonder....how do other people think of me? Do I come off as overwhelmed as I feel? Hmm.. I guess it wouldn't be a bad thing. I mean, if you have kids I would bet just about anything that you've felt overwhelmed and at your wits end, at some point. If not.....teach me!

I love my kids and seriously have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I do love it. But there is and probably always will be a part of me that feels....flustered. Overwhelmed. Tired. Oh so tired.

What makes things worse is when you have had your kids at school all day, and they come home and fight, argue, whine. You name it. They are tired....I totally get it. They need to kind of unload all of what has been bottled up all day. Believe me....I GET IT. I can't help but immediately feeling frustrated, and then I begin the bedtime countdown. :/

Sigh.....I guess we all have these days. It feels like the day has already been long, and you are so over the day to day stuff, but kids don't care. They aren't really supposed to, so I can't blame them. But I'd do anything for one completely easy, calm, quiet, day.

I guess being overwhelmed is just one more "side effect" of having kids, just like being completely ready for bed by 8pm!

If you are having a rough day too, then I am sending you my biggest hugs, and an understanding smile.

Here's to tomorrow being amazing, stress free and just a little more quiet than today.

<3

First day of the rest of my life.....

I am just going to jump right into this, simply because my thoughts are everywhere and I can't think of a witty way to start this one off.

First off, I've been MIA in the blog world for a bit. I've been dealing with my anxiety again....I know...its ridiculous. I hate it, and it is so over staying its welcome in my little life. But its something I've been dealing with for years, so really its nothing new. It's just deciding to affect my body now, so that's not cool.

It's been hard to think of a new blog to write. I had this goal of writing a new one each week and I totally was overwhelmed so I just didn't write at all. Don't worry though....I'm going to have more time to write, more time to think and more time to find myself. Why??

Because the kids are back in school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh.....that summer was long. My kids are great, but they aren't different from any other kids...they fight, they have attitudes, they get on my nerves and I'm sure I do the same to them.

So finally school has started which leads to an abundance of anxiety for this girl. :/ Can't I just worry a bit like a normal mom and not feel like my head is about to explode with worry? I'm waiting for the day!

Nicholas started 9th grade this year. Yea....I'm 29 and have a high schooler. Weird!!!
Laura started 3rd grade, Katie started 1st and William started preschool.

The older kids had an amazing first day of school. The girls have lots of friends in their classes, which makes me happy, and they even get to sit with each other for a bit during lunch. Laura is such a great big sister, always looking out for Katie. :)

Nicholas is in an entirely new world now. Only a few of his friends are going to the same high school, so he is kind of being forced to make new friends. As much as I know how hard that is to do....I'm really happy about it. He needs to start this school year with a clean slate, and I think it's going to benefit him greatly.

William's first day of preschool was today. He's actually there right now as I type this. I can't explain how scary this is for me. It's a weird feeling to be without my kids when they are so young. William is only 3 years old. He will be 4 in December. But I like to make my kids do 2 years of preschool, so they are more socialized and can get the hang of what school is all about. My older kids have all done it and they've all really enjoyed having those 2 years to kind of get ahead.

I on the other hand worry about my youngest. He's such a sweet boy, but he's never been away from me or his family. If he has been babysat, it's only been by family, so this is new for the both of us. I know he will be ok. Deep down I KNOW that things will be fine, but I can't help but look at my phone every 5 minutes to see if I missed a call from the school. I am worried that he will be scared, or that he is thinking that I'm not coming back for him. I'm worried about the stupid stuff too, like if he is thirsty, will he remember where the water is? Will he be too scared to get a drink or to go to the bathroom?

Anxiety......go the hell away now!!

I know, I sound like a lunatic.....but I just worry.

It was hard to say goodbye to him this morning. This is the very last time I will be putting a child of mine in school for their very first day of school. What made it even harder, was that he was totally ok with it. He just wanted to play with the toys, and even though he gave me the sweetest hug and kiss.....he just wanted me to leave.

I figured it would be hard on me. It is, but I have to add here that I am thrilled. I have had children as my shadow all day every day since I was 18 years old. 11 years of nonstop mom mode. I love it, don't get me wrong....but I'd be a damn liar if I didn't tell you how completely excited I am to have 3 hours to myself each day. I can workout, without stopping every 10 minutes to break up fights. I can get this house clean, go to the store ALONE!? I can't tell you how long I've waited for, yet dreaded this day!! ;)

I'm hoping for a great year for all of my kids. I'm hoping they have fun and learn a lot, make new friends and grow independently.

I know I will be doing the same :)

No explanations needed.

This morning I woke up and did the first thing I do everyday.....brush the hair out of my face, stare at the clock until numbers start to make sense to me again, and then grab my phone. I believe the cell phone has become the modern day newspaper.

I read something right away that really grabbed my attention. Usually coffee and kids fighting are the only things to grab my attention that early in the morning.

Here it is...

Pretty powerful right? I mean, I think this is something every one of us should read. Remembering that you don't owe anyone an explanation for your life is really important.

I took this one to heart. I've had countless people tell me that I should forgive my father for the past. I should let him back into my life, and move on. To get over it.

I've really thought long and hard about my choice to not speak to him, and reading this really validated it for me. Why do I owe anyone an explanation? I don't. It's my choice. I'm living my life happily and don't have to come up with any excuses for it.

I hope this little quote means something to you all too. We all come from different walks of life, but at the end of the day we need to remember that we are meant to be here. We are meant to lead our own paths, and we don't owe ANYONE an explanation or an apology for it.

<3

The mom fight,

If you are a woman, and have had a child....you have experienced "the mom fight".

Oh you all know exactly what I'm talking about. That nasty fight, that what seems like most women have with each other.

You are walking through the grocery store and of course now is the time that your little one decides is perfect for a tantrum. What do you get? Not only the stress of figuring out how to stop the tantrum, but you also have all the mom eyes on you.

It's so frustrating. When we should band together and build each other up, we seem to only tear each other apart.

And it's not just when we are face to face. It's over the internet, through COMMERCIALS. I mean, why can't we just say you know what.....screw it. I'm here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on.....because if you are a mom you NEED one of those. I'm here if you need a sitter, if you want to vent, rant, scream and throw your own fit. I'm here.

Instead we say, "oh tommy is being a little booger in school.....its because you aren't doing THIS or THAT right", "you DON'T spank?!", "you DO spank?!", "you should be doing this instead", "you spend too much time with your kids", "you don't spend enough time with your kids".

It's disgusting.

We find the fault in what we are all doing "wrong". And who even gets to be the one to say it's wrong in the first place? Just because we parent different, have different life styles and see things differently.......doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just....different.

So, I'm here to tell every one of you moms, that you are not only needed so much by your children, but you are doing a great job at it all! Whether you can go on every field trip, or barely find time for homework with your little one....at the end of the day, the only thing that matters, is if your children feel loved.

Instead of having a wall put up between moms, lets break that shit down and stand TOGETHER.

<3

How did they do it?!

Recently I was on the phone with my mom....for one of our daily talks. I told her that I have no idea how she and all the other moms did it, when I was a child. What I mean is.....how did our moms and dads put up with us every single day, and not have the internet to keep them going?

Here me out.

Every so often I feel like I'm in a funk. Life starts to feel like its the same shit, different day. And I find myself turning to pinterest and facebook for inspiration. Life inspiration. Just to remind me that my life......it's amazing.

Yea, I need reminding every once in a while, because I'm a mom and this shit is not for the birds. It's hard, it's mentally and physically taxing. Dealing with tantrums, rolling eyes, and whining are just the small daily things I deal with. So coming to the internet to read things that are amazing....quite literally get me through those crappy times.

My friends share sweet poems or quotes, and I share them back. I wonder how many moms or dads read those simple posts, and feel rejuvenated again. I know I do.

My kids are absolutely a gift in my life. They have given me so much purpose and love that I don't know what I'd do without them. But they are kids.....and kids ALL have those times that they think it's super cool to test their boundaries.

So thank you internet for giving me inspiration when I need it the most. For letting me find quotes and poems that lift me up, for always having friends I can message on a whim to vent, and to offer some pretty great websites for parenting advice.

I don't know what I'd do without you. ;)

<3

ANOTHER holiday?!

If you know me, you know I love a good holiday! I LOVE to do fun holiday crafts with the kids, for EVERY holiday. I love to decorate the house with all the fun crafts we do. I like to give little sweet gifts to the kids for each holiday. I love it all. BUT.....

Sometimes enough is enough! I mean, Christmas was literally like yesterday right? Ok, well a couple weeks ago, but if feels like it was yesterday. And here I am looking online for fun Valentine's day craft ideas for the kids, and gifts for their classes.

Didn't we just say Happy New Year, and already fail at our resolutions?! Why must there be a holiday at every corner?!

Most importantly, why must I feel the need to go all out for each holiday?

Maybe because I already set the bar when Nicholas and Laura were real little. I feel like I can't really take it down a notch, without feeling like the two little's will miss out on what I've already done for the two oldest.

It's just kind of exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I adore my kids crafts and handing out fun gifts to the kid's classes.....but it starts to become overwhelming, when there seems to be another holiday 6 days after the last.

I won't ever tone it down, because this is who I am. I get annoyed that there is already another holiday creeping up on us, yet I always find a way to outdo the previous year.

So, while I sit here begrudgingly looking for new Valentine's day ideas on pinterest....I will remember the smiles from my kids little faces, when they see the new ideas I come up with. THAT is why it's worth it. :)

Why I write.

Recently I had a friend ask me a great question, "why do you blog?". It wasn't in a hateful, annoyed way. She seriously wanted to know my intentions, and what I got out of it.

I love this questions. I have so many reasons why I choose to blog. First, its cheap therapy. Writing my thoughts, no matter how meaningless they are to other people.....becomes very meaningful to me. It puts my thoughts in order, and really lets me get out feelings that I tend to hold inside.

I have memories written down, that will be here forever. Look at my birthday letters, that I write to each kid on their birthday. I plan to print each one out and make a book out of them, for each kid to have when they get older. I would have loved to have something like that. Something showing you just how your mom felt about you at each age, and seeing pictures of your growth through each year. That alone, is reason enough to blog.

I hope to inspire others. I'm letting people see a piece of my life (not all of it, haven't you noticed that I don't blog about my marriage....hehe).....I want to make others laugh, I want other parents to feel like they aren't alone. I want moms to know they are so incredibly important, in their children's lives. I go through things that so many other people go through as well.....and its nice to feel like someone out there is reading along and nodding their head with me.

I've been so inspired by all of you as well! Any time I get positive feedback about a blog I wrote, my heart is so happy!

This blog of mine has grown so much in the past couple years. I have always written in a journal, and felt like other moms might want to read some of my thoughts. I feel empowered when I write, and hopefully, one day, I will be able to write my own book.

Until then, stay tuned for a lot more blogs from yours truly. :)

<3

Broken

I read this quote quite some time ago, and it still sticks with me. Let me explain. I have gone through a lot of emotional turmoil, regarding my situation with my father. I spent years feeling like I was broken. I felt like I was out of place all the time because, in the back of my mind, I was constantly replaying conversations that my father and I would have.

I was trapped, by the past.

I have since learned that EVERYONE has a past. EVERYONE has some kind of sadness, embarrassment, and heartache in their past. But I was the one letting it control me. I forgot that I wasn't the only one who might be having a hard time dealing with their reality.

I've spent years dealing with anxiety, caused from my past with my father, and finally....after reading this quote.....I let some of that go.

I've realized that I'm not alone. And if you are dealing with a parent who is dealing with an addiction, YOU are not alone either.

I have to face the fact though, that there will always be a part of me that is a little broken. And that's ok. It's ok to have a piece of me that will always be mending. I won't give up hope that one day I will have my heart be whole again.

I've grown into who I am today, because of what I've gone through. So, instead of feeling anxious, or angry....I will feel proud that I've come out standing tall.

<3

29 with a 14 year old.

My oldest son is 14, and is now taller than I am. It's pretty awkward to be frustrated with him and give a lecture when I'm looking up at him HA!

Funny thing to me, is I have dozens of friends who are worried about how much longer they will have to buy diapers for, and I'm over here worried about getting money together to buy my oldest a CAR in just two short years.

I am dealing with sex talks, motivational speeches, girlfriend advice, and some serious LIFE discussions......yet I have to turn around and have talks about letters, how to make sure we watch where we pee so it doesn't get on the wall or floor, how to color in the lines, and tying shoes.

I guess it's all normal to me now, to have kids with such a huge age gap in between my oldest and youngest. It's been a blessing to be honest with you. I can rely on my oldest to help out when I really need it. I know he will lend a hand in a heartbeat, when I'm sporting that frazzled mommy look.

Discussing these mature topics is a normal thing here in our home. The door is always wide open for any talks, that need to be had. I've always been very open with my kids about life. But especially with my oldest son.

He came to me when I was 18 and he was 3, and I've been his mom ever since. He didn't come from my belly, but from my heart. I've had to always be very honest with him about the first 3 years of his life. About his mother. I didn't want to look back one day and realize I would have to tell him that I'm not his birth mother. He's always known that he grew in my heart and we were meant to be mom and son.

He's always been the type of kid who isn't embarrassed to talk about life things, like sex, and maturing. He will bluntly ask me a question, just as bluntly as I give the answer.

I'm thankful though, to be raising a teenager.....I mean, he's my first child, and I've learned everything from parenting him. I've been able to figure out how to discuss certain topics that are very mature, early on so I won't need to figure it out when my girls need to talk.

So, to everyone who is feeling embarrassed about telling their son they have a penis and it's not really called a "peepee", just remember your friend over here who is having to talk about BIRTH CONTROL with her teenager! :/

<3

Resolutions.

It's the new year and I've seen more new year's resolutions on my facebook page, than I can count. People want to lose weight, they want to stop cursing, they want to drop the fast food and soda and coffee. Not me.

I want to become more FIT, I won't ever base my self esteem or happiness on a number on the scale ever again. I simply can't just STOP cursing....sorry mom....sometimes no other words can fit exactly like "DAMNIT!", when I'm mad. I don't drink much soda, and fast food....we eat it about once or twice a month, no need to stop that....right? Coffee....there is no way in hell that I'm dropping that!

Mostly I just want to continue to live happily. I don't feel the need to change anything, or to start something different, that will ultimately end in me throwing out the window. I'm happy. I have my husband and kids, and our home, and I'm happy.

I have absolutely made resolutions in the past. Mostly to lose weight. That's some pressure right there, and I just can't deal with that anymore. I want to live as stress free as possible, and I honestly feel like I'm going in the right direction with that.

Of course our lives can never fully be stress free. I have 4 kids for goodness sake! But I've learned to let things go. I used to bottle things up, and stress about every little thing that didn't go as planned. I'm a planner, but like I said...I have 4 kids. That's a recipe for disaster. Most things don't go as planned here. We kind of just go with the flow...but that hasn't come easily for me.

This year, I hope to continue to thrive from the smiles my kids give me, from the waves of neighbors, the phone calls with family, and the kisses from my husband. I hope to continue to remember how blessed I am, and to remember that smiling at strangers, can change their entire day.

This year, I want to continue to be happy.

Babies turning into kids!

We all know I had my tubes tied a few years ago. Honestly, there are times I seriously forget that I can't have anymore children. At the beginning it was hard. I would almost panic at the thought of not being able to get pregnant. If you know me, you know I'm a control freak. Ok not a freak...well, maybe a little. ;)

I hate not being in control....so months after having my tubes tied, I found myself upset about it. I felt like I had no control of my body anymore. But I was wrong. I made the decision to not have anymore kids. Not because I didn't like having kids.....we all know I love me a baby belly. I guess the newborn is a perk too. ;) I chose to make my family, a family of 6, on purpose. 4 kids....2 boys and 2 girls felt right. The boys share a room and the girls share a room. I couldn't imagine adding another child to the mix.

But lets dive a little deeper than numbers and rooms.....my sanity is good with 4 kids. Add one more.....might not be so sane anymore. I'm seriously OVER dealing with time outs, and tantrums. Adding another child, starting completely over? No thanks. I'm good.

I absolutely adored my pregnancies, and my babies....I adore them every day. Do I adore the rolling of eyes, telling kids to clean their rooms 4 thousand times, whining, complaining, fighting, and all the god damn sticky fingers?! Nope. It's all worth it....but I am so thrilled to see my kids getting older and growing past (kind of) those things.

I feel like our family is maturing together. We no longer have to carry a diaper bag, and an extra change of clothes wherever we go. We don't have to plan our schedule around nap times (is that a good or bad thing? I don't know).

I see William speaking clearly, and not so.....baby, anymore. There are times that I feel sad at how QUICKLY they are growing up, but I certainly am happy to be out of the baby stages.

So to all my friends and family with sweet little babies, don't mind me when I want to snuggle them for a little bit. My heart feels happy with a baby in my arms, but my sanity feels happy with a full night of sleep!

<3

Happy 8th Birthday, Laura!!!

Laura,

 Tonight while you sat with my in the living room, when we were painting your new rings....I couldn't help but feel so sad about you getting older. Don't get my wrong sweetheart, I couldn't be more proud of you.....and excited for all you are learning and experiencing....I just feel like any bit of baby that you had left in you, is now gone.

 8, is a big milestone. You are now a young lady, and becoming more mature by the day! You have been such a joy to have as a daughter. I honestly feel very lucky to be your mom.

Tonight I saw you light up, when we all talked about the day you were born. I remember it so clearly, and have a hard time believing that it has actually been eight years since that life changing day. Daddy and your Grandma Jan were both in the room with me. It was so amazing and important to me to have two of the most important people in my life, with me. We got to experience that moment.....the moment you took your first breathe, together.

You know that you are not the first born in our family, but you are MY first born. You changed my life from the moment I heard your daddy tell me "you are pregnant!". I was very young when I became pregnant with you. 20 to be exact. I had already been a mommy to your brother for 2 years. I thought I had it down pat....and then you came into this world, and completely changed everything I thought I knew.

To this day, you are teaching me more and more. Not only about parenting, but about myself. You have been such an important part of our family, and we would not be whole without you.

This year I was told that you are reading at a 5th grade level.....and you are only in 2nd grade. You have kept your teacher busy with finding new things to keep you interested and challenged. You are so incredibly smart and try so hard, that I know you have big things waiting for you in your future. Tomorrow you will be receiving another award at school. I can't put into words how proud you have made me. Every day, I'm proud of you.

You are so caring and kind hearted. You want everyone around you to be happy, and for things to always be fair for everyone. Thank you for being the amazing big sister that you have been. You help me at the drop of a hat, and are happy to do it. You play school daily with William and Katie, and I must tell you....those two little ones look up to you so much. They believe everything you say, and have put so much trust in you.

Thank you for being a wonderful little sister for Nicholas. You two will sit and play board games for hours, and seeing you with your own relationship makes my heart so happy.

Laura, I hope you always remember to stand up for yourself.....and know that what YOU think, is very important, and extremely valued. Always put forth this amazing effort that you have in school. You will go so far in this world.....I just know it.

I want you to grow up and continue to be happy. No matter what you chose to do in life, just do anything that makes you HAPPY. Happiness is so incredibly important.....don't ever settle.

Remember that your family will always be by your side. Rooting you on, and smiling with pride!

I love you so much, sweet Laura Elizabeth. I always will.

Happy Birthday!

Love, Mommy

<3

          Let's take a look at how much you've grown since you were born!!


               Me and you, when I was about 6 months pregnant with you.

 

The day you were born.

 

                                                                    Two weeks old

 

 

A few weeks old.

 

 

                                 My absolute favorite picture of you and Nicholas together.

 

 

FIRST birthday!

 

                                                               SECOND birthday!!

                                                                  THIRD birthday!!!

 

FOURTH birthday!!!

                                                                   FIFTH birthday!!!

                                                                   SIXTH birthday!!!

                                                              SEVENTH birthday!!!!

                                              
                                                               
                                                                EIGHTH birthday!!!!!!!

 

My sweet girl, you have grown into such a beauty, on the inside and out!! I love you so much!

 

 

<3

 

 

Happy 3rd Birthday, William!!!

My sweet William,

  I'm not sure how you are already three years old. I've learned since being a mommy, that time goes by far too quickly. You turning three makes me happy and sad, at the same time.

Watching you grow and learn, has made me such a happy mommy. But seeing how fast you have moved from being a baby, to a toddler, has brought some tears to my eyes. I'm so afraid of you growing up too fast.

I've been blessed enough, to be able to be a stay at home mom. I have been able to kiss you goodnight, cuddle with you in the mornings, and play all afternoon. I've always had my little buddy by my side. You have been such a great little boy to spend my days with.

From the moment you were born, you have been such a sweet little boy. Always wanting mommy to kiss you and to hold you. At three years old, that still hasn't changed. When I go to the store on my own, you say "you stay with me!" You just love to have your mommy with you all the time. I don't mind. :)

This year you have started making friends at your practice preschool class. It took you some time, but you have begun to open up and have fun! You used to make me say your name each time we went to the class, when the teacher asks each child their name. Now you say it yourself! You get so excited when I tell you we get to go to school. You tell me, "I will say my name!". I'm so proud of you.

You are the baby of the family....even though you refuse to let ANYONE call you a baby. You are such a big boy! You have been such a great little brother to your siblings. They absolutely adore you....even if you have a hard time sharing sometimes!

Your sense of humor is only one of the many things that I love about you. You are witty and never miss a beat when there is a joke to be said. You keep us all laughing with you!

You have become a very strong willed little boy. You are sure that you can do every little thing, on your own. I hope you always remain so sure of yourself, but never be afraid to ask for help.

I hope you stay so generous and happy. So many people in this world grow to be unhappy adults. I hope you continue to spread your happiness to everyone. I hope that you continue to grow to be a good solid person. I hope you make good choices, but when you slip and make a bad choice, that you learn from it. I hope you help others often, and smile at everyone you pass. I hope you always work hard for what you want, and take time to love life.

I am so proud of the little boy that you have grown to be. You are sweet and respectful, kind and smart. You have taught us all to be patient and to be more kind to others around us. I'm proud every single day, to be your mom. I feel lucky to be the one to call you my son.....to know that for as long as I live, you will be my little boy.

Thank you for making our family whole. For making my heart whole. I love you son, I always will.

Love, mommy

<3

Lets take a look at how much you have grown over the past three years!

 

Mommy loves you William Robert. <3

Stay true to YOU.

There have been many times in my life when I would have to take a step back and evaluate certain situations, people, and goals. We all do it. We get to a point sometimes, when you feel that something just isn't right. Maybe there are people in your life that aren't in your life for the right reasons. Maybe you feel like the path you are walking, needs to turn a bit.

The past year has been big for me. I will be 29 on Saturday (October 19), and I can't tell you how many times I've had to reevaluate things in my life. I've learned this year to have a back bone. My life is about me, my husband and our children. I've had to step back and see things from the outside a bit.

My father for instance.....what was the point of having him in my life at all the past year? I'm not sure. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and one day in my life, or maybe when my days are over, I will understand why HE was any part of my life for any amount of time. Right now I don't understand, and I'm ok with that.

He more than anyone, has taught me to really stand up for what I believe in, WHO I believe in, and to make myself happy. It hasn't been easy to go through the steps for me to get to this point. Hurting feelings, telling truths, and walking my own path, may hurt some in the process.....but we all lead our own lives. I walk this one for me and my family.

I see myself as an honest, and caring person. I so badly want to bring joy to others around me. To make other's smile. I want to inspire others to be more caring. I do this daily, smiling at strangers in the store, helping when I can, lending a hug to another mom at the girls school, when I can see she needs it most.

But I'm human. I have feelings too. I should be able to voice my opinion, say it how it is sometimes, and get angry.

I have learned this year that it's OK for me to feel the way I feel about certain things. I'm the type of person that wants to fix everything. I want to apologize when I shouldn't have to, and I want to make it all better for everyone. I want to back track when I've said how I REALLY feel, and I want to look over things that truly bother me. This year however.....I've learned to STOP doing that.

I'm not the queen of fixing everything. I can't make things perfect for everyone, and you know what........I'm not saying sorry EVER, for how I feel about anything. I am entitled to my opinions and feelings, and if it upsets you in the meantime.....then maybe it's you that has some reevaluating to do. :/

My point is......each year I've learned more about life, but most importantly, more about myself. I like me. I feel like I am happy in my skin and in my mind. This year has been a big learning experience for me. It's been a bumpy road.....but I've grown from every single bump.

I'm believe that we all have a voice for a reason. To stand up for something that is bigger than ourselves, and to make sure how YOU feel, is heard. Sometimes it is hard to change things in your life, but change, no matter how scary.....is always good.



<3

HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY NICHOLAS!!

Tonight I sit here next to you Nicholas, and you are now 14 years old. I'm not sure how the time has gone so quickly, but it has. I just looked at you a few minutes ago and said "how was your birthday?" and you smiled the same smile you had when you were 3, and said "it was really good, thanks for everything mom". When you are a parent, you are going to realize how much what you just said means.

I look back tonight at all of the years that we've spent together. All the ups and downs. The stress, and excitement. Parenthood, as I've told you many times before, is hard, but worth every minute.

When I became your mom, I knew the road would have some bumps in it. I was right. The bumps have taught both of us, how much we mean to each other. How much we both need each other. You are my oldest son, and I couldn't imagine a life without you in it. You are such a big part of our family. Your brother and sisters look up to you so much. They think you are the most amazing person ever, and believe everything you say.

Thank you for helping me with your siblings. For seeing me stressed out, and asking "is there anything I can do to help?". For feeling comfortable enough to ask me about anything, and for trusting me enough to talk to me about things that are sometimes hard for teens to talk to their parents about. Thank you for always introducing me to your friends as "Mom".

Thank you for always making me laugh, for saying "I love you" every single day, and for letting me guide you in this world. Thank you for giving me attitude, because we all know damn well, that teenagers only give this type of attitude to MOM. As much as I hate eye rolls....I can't help but feel grateful that you see me as your only mom.

You have been through more than any 14 year old should go through, as far as your birth mother is concerned. I need you to know that everything happens for a reason, and to be perfectly honest....her loss is my absolute gain. I am proud to call you my son. I'm proud to stand by you every day. I'm even proud to walk into your school when the principal calls me in, because even if you are getting yourself into trouble....I know you are always there waiting for ME to walk through those doors. You know that you can count on me. I hope you always remember that.

Right now you are going through such a hard time, because being 14 isn't easy. Especially now. You are trying to fly on your own, and you are learning that every choice you make has a consequence. You are learning at your own pace, and that's ok. You remind me every single day, that you are growing into a smart, honest, trustworthy, respectful young man.

I only see great things for you. You are such a happy, funny, kind boy and I hope you always keep those traits. Remember that life is supposed to be a wonderful adventure. You will learn so much more in your life, and I can't wait to hear about it all during our nightly kitchen talks.

I love you son. Happy Birthday!

Love always,

 Mom

<3

 

                                       Let's take a look back at the past 14 years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Nicholas!

 

Love, Mom