29 with a 14 year old.

My oldest son is 14, and is now taller than I am. It's pretty awkward to be frustrated with him and give a lecture when I'm looking up at him HA!

Funny thing to me, is I have dozens of friends who are worried about how much longer they will have to buy diapers for, and I'm over here worried about getting money together to buy my oldest a CAR in just two short years.

I am dealing with sex talks, motivational speeches, girlfriend advice, and some serious LIFE discussions......yet I have to turn around and have talks about letters, how to make sure we watch where we pee so it doesn't get on the wall or floor, how to color in the lines, and tying shoes.

I guess it's all normal to me now, to have kids with such a huge age gap in between my oldest and youngest. It's been a blessing to be honest with you. I can rely on my oldest to help out when I really need it. I know he will lend a hand in a heartbeat, when I'm sporting that frazzled mommy look.

Discussing these mature topics is a normal thing here in our home. The door is always wide open for any talks, that need to be had. I've always been very open with my kids about life. But especially with my oldest son.

He came to me when I was 18 and he was 3, and I've been his mom ever since. He didn't come from my belly, but from my heart. I've had to always be very honest with him about the first 3 years of his life. About his mother. I didn't want to look back one day and realize I would have to tell him that I'm not his birth mother. He's always known that he grew in my heart and we were meant to be mom and son.

He's always been the type of kid who isn't embarrassed to talk about life things, like sex, and maturing. He will bluntly ask me a question, just as bluntly as I give the answer.

I'm thankful though, to be raising a teenager.....I mean, he's my first child, and I've learned everything from parenting him. I've been able to figure out how to discuss certain topics that are very mature, early on so I won't need to figure it out when my girls need to talk.

So, to everyone who is feeling embarrassed about telling their son they have a penis and it's not really called a "peepee", just remember your friend over here who is having to talk about BIRTH CONTROL with her teenager! :/

<3

Resolutions.

It's the new year and I've seen more new year's resolutions on my facebook page, than I can count. People want to lose weight, they want to stop cursing, they want to drop the fast food and soda and coffee. Not me.

I want to become more FIT, I won't ever base my self esteem or happiness on a number on the scale ever again. I simply can't just STOP cursing....sorry mom....sometimes no other words can fit exactly like "DAMNIT!", when I'm mad. I don't drink much soda, and fast food....we eat it about once or twice a month, no need to stop that....right? Coffee....there is no way in hell that I'm dropping that!

Mostly I just want to continue to live happily. I don't feel the need to change anything, or to start something different, that will ultimately end in me throwing out the window. I'm happy. I have my husband and kids, and our home, and I'm happy.

I have absolutely made resolutions in the past. Mostly to lose weight. That's some pressure right there, and I just can't deal with that anymore. I want to live as stress free as possible, and I honestly feel like I'm going in the right direction with that.

Of course our lives can never fully be stress free. I have 4 kids for goodness sake! But I've learned to let things go. I used to bottle things up, and stress about every little thing that didn't go as planned. I'm a planner, but like I said...I have 4 kids. That's a recipe for disaster. Most things don't go as planned here. We kind of just go with the flow...but that hasn't come easily for me.

This year, I hope to continue to thrive from the smiles my kids give me, from the waves of neighbors, the phone calls with family, and the kisses from my husband. I hope to continue to remember how blessed I am, and to remember that smiling at strangers, can change their entire day.

This year, I want to continue to be happy.

Babies turning into kids!

We all know I had my tubes tied a few years ago. Honestly, there are times I seriously forget that I can't have anymore children. At the beginning it was hard. I would almost panic at the thought of not being able to get pregnant. If you know me, you know I'm a control freak. Ok not a freak...well, maybe a little. ;)

I hate not being in control....so months after having my tubes tied, I found myself upset about it. I felt like I had no control of my body anymore. But I was wrong. I made the decision to not have anymore kids. Not because I didn't like having kids.....we all know I love me a baby belly. I guess the newborn is a perk too. ;) I chose to make my family, a family of 6, on purpose. 4 kids....2 boys and 2 girls felt right. The boys share a room and the girls share a room. I couldn't imagine adding another child to the mix.

But lets dive a little deeper than numbers and rooms.....my sanity is good with 4 kids. Add one more.....might not be so sane anymore. I'm seriously OVER dealing with time outs, and tantrums. Adding another child, starting completely over? No thanks. I'm good.

I absolutely adored my pregnancies, and my babies....I adore them every day. Do I adore the rolling of eyes, telling kids to clean their rooms 4 thousand times, whining, complaining, fighting, and all the god damn sticky fingers?! Nope. It's all worth it....but I am so thrilled to see my kids getting older and growing past (kind of) those things.

I feel like our family is maturing together. We no longer have to carry a diaper bag, and an extra change of clothes wherever we go. We don't have to plan our schedule around nap times (is that a good or bad thing? I don't know).

I see William speaking clearly, and not so.....baby, anymore. There are times that I feel sad at how QUICKLY they are growing up, but I certainly am happy to be out of the baby stages.

So to all my friends and family with sweet little babies, don't mind me when I want to snuggle them for a little bit. My heart feels happy with a baby in my arms, but my sanity feels happy with a full night of sleep!

<3

Happy 8th Birthday, Laura!!!

Laura,

 Tonight while you sat with my in the living room, when we were painting your new rings....I couldn't help but feel so sad about you getting older. Don't get my wrong sweetheart, I couldn't be more proud of you.....and excited for all you are learning and experiencing....I just feel like any bit of baby that you had left in you, is now gone.

 8, is a big milestone. You are now a young lady, and becoming more mature by the day! You have been such a joy to have as a daughter. I honestly feel very lucky to be your mom.

Tonight I saw you light up, when we all talked about the day you were born. I remember it so clearly, and have a hard time believing that it has actually been eight years since that life changing day. Daddy and your Grandma Jan were both in the room with me. It was so amazing and important to me to have two of the most important people in my life, with me. We got to experience that moment.....the moment you took your first breathe, together.

You know that you are not the first born in our family, but you are MY first born. You changed my life from the moment I heard your daddy tell me "you are pregnant!". I was very young when I became pregnant with you. 20 to be exact. I had already been a mommy to your brother for 2 years. I thought I had it down pat....and then you came into this world, and completely changed everything I thought I knew.

To this day, you are teaching me more and more. Not only about parenting, but about myself. You have been such an important part of our family, and we would not be whole without you.

This year I was told that you are reading at a 5th grade level.....and you are only in 2nd grade. You have kept your teacher busy with finding new things to keep you interested and challenged. You are so incredibly smart and try so hard, that I know you have big things waiting for you in your future. Tomorrow you will be receiving another award at school. I can't put into words how proud you have made me. Every day, I'm proud of you.

You are so caring and kind hearted. You want everyone around you to be happy, and for things to always be fair for everyone. Thank you for being the amazing big sister that you have been. You help me at the drop of a hat, and are happy to do it. You play school daily with William and Katie, and I must tell you....those two little ones look up to you so much. They believe everything you say, and have put so much trust in you.

Thank you for being a wonderful little sister for Nicholas. You two will sit and play board games for hours, and seeing you with your own relationship makes my heart so happy.

Laura, I hope you always remember to stand up for yourself.....and know that what YOU think, is very important, and extremely valued. Always put forth this amazing effort that you have in school. You will go so far in this world.....I just know it.

I want you to grow up and continue to be happy. No matter what you chose to do in life, just do anything that makes you HAPPY. Happiness is so incredibly important.....don't ever settle.

Remember that your family will always be by your side. Rooting you on, and smiling with pride!

I love you so much, sweet Laura Elizabeth. I always will.

Happy Birthday!

Love, Mommy

<3

          Let's take a look at how much you've grown since you were born!!


               Me and you, when I was about 6 months pregnant with you.

 

The day you were born.

 

                                                                    Two weeks old

 

 

A few weeks old.

 

 

                                 My absolute favorite picture of you and Nicholas together.

 

 

FIRST birthday!

 

                                                               SECOND birthday!!

                                                                  THIRD birthday!!!

 

FOURTH birthday!!!

                                                                   FIFTH birthday!!!

                                                                   SIXTH birthday!!!

                                                              SEVENTH birthday!!!!

                                              
                                                               
                                                                EIGHTH birthday!!!!!!!

 

My sweet girl, you have grown into such a beauty, on the inside and out!! I love you so much!

 

 

<3

 

 

Happy 3rd Birthday, William!!!

My sweet William,

  I'm not sure how you are already three years old. I've learned since being a mommy, that time goes by far too quickly. You turning three makes me happy and sad, at the same time.

Watching you grow and learn, has made me such a happy mommy. But seeing how fast you have moved from being a baby, to a toddler, has brought some tears to my eyes. I'm so afraid of you growing up too fast.

I've been blessed enough, to be able to be a stay at home mom. I have been able to kiss you goodnight, cuddle with you in the mornings, and play all afternoon. I've always had my little buddy by my side. You have been such a great little boy to spend my days with.

From the moment you were born, you have been such a sweet little boy. Always wanting mommy to kiss you and to hold you. At three years old, that still hasn't changed. When I go to the store on my own, you say "you stay with me!" You just love to have your mommy with you all the time. I don't mind. :)

This year you have started making friends at your practice preschool class. It took you some time, but you have begun to open up and have fun! You used to make me say your name each time we went to the class, when the teacher asks each child their name. Now you say it yourself! You get so excited when I tell you we get to go to school. You tell me, "I will say my name!". I'm so proud of you.

You are the baby of the family....even though you refuse to let ANYONE call you a baby. You are such a big boy! You have been such a great little brother to your siblings. They absolutely adore you....even if you have a hard time sharing sometimes!

Your sense of humor is only one of the many things that I love about you. You are witty and never miss a beat when there is a joke to be said. You keep us all laughing with you!

You have become a very strong willed little boy. You are sure that you can do every little thing, on your own. I hope you always remain so sure of yourself, but never be afraid to ask for help.

I hope you stay so generous and happy. So many people in this world grow to be unhappy adults. I hope you continue to spread your happiness to everyone. I hope that you continue to grow to be a good solid person. I hope you make good choices, but when you slip and make a bad choice, that you learn from it. I hope you help others often, and smile at everyone you pass. I hope you always work hard for what you want, and take time to love life.

I am so proud of the little boy that you have grown to be. You are sweet and respectful, kind and smart. You have taught us all to be patient and to be more kind to others around us. I'm proud every single day, to be your mom. I feel lucky to be the one to call you my son.....to know that for as long as I live, you will be my little boy.

Thank you for making our family whole. For making my heart whole. I love you son, I always will.

Love, mommy

<3

Lets take a look at how much you have grown over the past three years!

 

Mommy loves you William Robert. <3

Stay true to YOU.

There have been many times in my life when I would have to take a step back and evaluate certain situations, people, and goals. We all do it. We get to a point sometimes, when you feel that something just isn't right. Maybe there are people in your life that aren't in your life for the right reasons. Maybe you feel like the path you are walking, needs to turn a bit.

The past year has been big for me. I will be 29 on Saturday (October 19), and I can't tell you how many times I've had to reevaluate things in my life. I've learned this year to have a back bone. My life is about me, my husband and our children. I've had to step back and see things from the outside a bit.

My father for instance.....what was the point of having him in my life at all the past year? I'm not sure. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and one day in my life, or maybe when my days are over, I will understand why HE was any part of my life for any amount of time. Right now I don't understand, and I'm ok with that.

He more than anyone, has taught me to really stand up for what I believe in, WHO I believe in, and to make myself happy. It hasn't been easy to go through the steps for me to get to this point. Hurting feelings, telling truths, and walking my own path, may hurt some in the process.....but we all lead our own lives. I walk this one for me and my family.

I see myself as an honest, and caring person. I so badly want to bring joy to others around me. To make other's smile. I want to inspire others to be more caring. I do this daily, smiling at strangers in the store, helping when I can, lending a hug to another mom at the girls school, when I can see she needs it most.

But I'm human. I have feelings too. I should be able to voice my opinion, say it how it is sometimes, and get angry.

I have learned this year that it's OK for me to feel the way I feel about certain things. I'm the type of person that wants to fix everything. I want to apologize when I shouldn't have to, and I want to make it all better for everyone. I want to back track when I've said how I REALLY feel, and I want to look over things that truly bother me. This year however.....I've learned to STOP doing that.

I'm not the queen of fixing everything. I can't make things perfect for everyone, and you know what........I'm not saying sorry EVER, for how I feel about anything. I am entitled to my opinions and feelings, and if it upsets you in the meantime.....then maybe it's you that has some reevaluating to do. :/

My point is......each year I've learned more about life, but most importantly, more about myself. I like me. I feel like I am happy in my skin and in my mind. This year has been a big learning experience for me. It's been a bumpy road.....but I've grown from every single bump.

I'm believe that we all have a voice for a reason. To stand up for something that is bigger than ourselves, and to make sure how YOU feel, is heard. Sometimes it is hard to change things in your life, but change, no matter how scary.....is always good.



<3

HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY NICHOLAS!!

Tonight I sit here next to you Nicholas, and you are now 14 years old. I'm not sure how the time has gone so quickly, but it has. I just looked at you a few minutes ago and said "how was your birthday?" and you smiled the same smile you had when you were 3, and said "it was really good, thanks for everything mom". When you are a parent, you are going to realize how much what you just said means.

I look back tonight at all of the years that we've spent together. All the ups and downs. The stress, and excitement. Parenthood, as I've told you many times before, is hard, but worth every minute.

When I became your mom, I knew the road would have some bumps in it. I was right. The bumps have taught both of us, how much we mean to each other. How much we both need each other. You are my oldest son, and I couldn't imagine a life without you in it. You are such a big part of our family. Your brother and sisters look up to you so much. They think you are the most amazing person ever, and believe everything you say.

Thank you for helping me with your siblings. For seeing me stressed out, and asking "is there anything I can do to help?". For feeling comfortable enough to ask me about anything, and for trusting me enough to talk to me about things that are sometimes hard for teens to talk to their parents about. Thank you for always introducing me to your friends as "Mom".

Thank you for always making me laugh, for saying "I love you" every single day, and for letting me guide you in this world. Thank you for giving me attitude, because we all know damn well, that teenagers only give this type of attitude to MOM. As much as I hate eye rolls....I can't help but feel grateful that you see me as your only mom.

You have been through more than any 14 year old should go through, as far as your birth mother is concerned. I need you to know that everything happens for a reason, and to be perfectly honest....her loss is my absolute gain. I am proud to call you my son. I'm proud to stand by you every day. I'm even proud to walk into your school when the principal calls me in, because even if you are getting yourself into trouble....I know you are always there waiting for ME to walk through those doors. You know that you can count on me. I hope you always remember that.

Right now you are going through such a hard time, because being 14 isn't easy. Especially now. You are trying to fly on your own, and you are learning that every choice you make has a consequence. You are learning at your own pace, and that's ok. You remind me every single day, that you are growing into a smart, honest, trustworthy, respectful young man.

I only see great things for you. You are such a happy, funny, kind boy and I hope you always keep those traits. Remember that life is supposed to be a wonderful adventure. You will learn so much more in your life, and I can't wait to hear about it all during our nightly kitchen talks.

I love you son. Happy Birthday!

Love always,

 Mom

<3

 

                                       Let's take a look back at the past 14 years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Nicholas!

 

Love, Mom