Hi friends and family! :) Today is day 23! I am to write about 5 things that I think about a lot. Here we go.
#1- Obviously my kids. I have 4 kids, so I have kids on my mind a lot! I'm thinking about what I need to do next for them, fun crafts to do with them, how their consequences are working or aren't working for each one, if they feel enough happiness and love.....and so on. I'm sure all of you would list your kids as number one as well. We can't help it...our kids are ALWAYS on our minds.
#2- My husband. He is at school a lot, and I'm always thinking about-did he eat enough before he left? Is he stressing about school right now? Hopefully he brought his water. I miss him. The list goes on.
#3- Working out. If I didn't do it yet, I think about when I will get the chance to do it, will I have the energy to do it when the time comes? Or what different workout can I put in the mix?
#4- Dinner. Ugh.....Every single day. I'm pretty good at making a weekly menu and sticking to it, but lately I haven't been. I wake up, make breakfast for the kids, and think..."now what do I make for dinner?".....sigh.....
#5- My family in Arizona. I miss them and they quite frequently enter my thoughts. I think about when I can visit them, how they are doing, and how much we all miss them.
I think about a lot. This is the top 5, but on a day to day basis my mind is flooded with random thoughts.....which is probably why I suffer from anxiety. I'd love to hear your top 5 thoughts.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
30 Day Challenge, Day 22!!
Today is day 22!!! I'm supposed to write a letter to anyone, and I'm choosing to write it to my daughter, Laura.
Dear Laura,
My sweet 6 year old girl. I can't believe in December you will be SEVEN!! You have had quite a year trying to find out who you are. Don't rush it sweet girl.....you have such a long life ahead of you for all of that. You graduated kindergarten at the top of your class, making everyone so proud of you. You learned how to read, and now are reading chapter books!! Wow!
I see a lot of myself, in your personality. We both get frustrated too quickly, and are sensitive. I've learned over the years to take a breath, slow down and go with the flow. You will learn this over time.
You are a big sister, AND a little sister. I am too. It's hard. You want to be older, yet you still want to be younger. Enjoy these years sweetheart. You are learning so much as a little sister, and being able to teach your little sister and little brother all that you know. That is special. Take your time when trying to teach your siblings, don't get upset with them.....they truly look up to you and always will.
I remember when we moved here, you were very shy and quiet.....and along the way, you have really come out of your shell and blossomed into the most beautiful little 6 year old girl. It's good to be shy at times, and outgoing at other times. Be you. YOU are special, you are the only Laura like you, and I'm so happy that I get to be YOUR mom. Thank you for making me laugh, making me smile, and making me a better mom every day. I love you sweet girl, I will forever.
Love Mommy <3
Dear Laura,
My sweet 6 year old girl. I can't believe in December you will be SEVEN!! You have had quite a year trying to find out who you are. Don't rush it sweet girl.....you have such a long life ahead of you for all of that. You graduated kindergarten at the top of your class, making everyone so proud of you. You learned how to read, and now are reading chapter books!! Wow!
I see a lot of myself, in your personality. We both get frustrated too quickly, and are sensitive. I've learned over the years to take a breath, slow down and go with the flow. You will learn this over time.
You are a big sister, AND a little sister. I am too. It's hard. You want to be older, yet you still want to be younger. Enjoy these years sweetheart. You are learning so much as a little sister, and being able to teach your little sister and little brother all that you know. That is special. Take your time when trying to teach your siblings, don't get upset with them.....they truly look up to you and always will.
I remember when we moved here, you were very shy and quiet.....and along the way, you have really come out of your shell and blossomed into the most beautiful little 6 year old girl. It's good to be shy at times, and outgoing at other times. Be you. YOU are special, you are the only Laura like you, and I'm so happy that I get to be YOUR mom. Thank you for making me laugh, making me smile, and making me a better mom every day. I love you sweet girl, I will forever.
Love Mommy <3
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
30 Day Challenge, Day 21!!
Day 21!! Today I'm writing about step kids, and blended families. So many families are blended now days, that I think a lot of people can relate to what I go through and how I feel.
For those that don't know (and those that do, I'm sorry to repeat myself so much!) I've been raising my son Nicholas since he was 3, and I was 18. Wow.....he is about to be 13 years old, and I sit here feeling like those years have literally flown by. When I met him he called me "girl". I thought it was cute, yet sad, that he only knew a couple words at the age of 3. If you have kids, you know how much we want our children to be able to speak correctly. How frustrating and stressful it feels when they barely speak clearly past the age of 2. Nicholas wasn't my "son" when he was three. It took a little more time then that to become his mommy. Nonetheless, I made it my mission to teach this child to speak. I won't bash his parents....Nick and Zoe were young, and naive in my opinion. Parenting is hard work, and that is what a lot of teen parents fail to see, sometimes. I don't believe ALL teen parents are the same....I was 18, a teen myself and took on parenting a child that wasn't mine.
I've been through the ringer with my son. Been there to sign him up for school, all his appointments, taught him to read, to write and obviously to speak. I've been there for every first day of school, and every day in between. I've disciplined, loved and taught manners. I've cuddled, frowned at, and held his hand. I have been his mom.
He used to visit his mother during summer break. It hurt our family to send him off for a few weeks. We always missed him, and it was so hard to explain to Laura. When we moved here, to Redding, where his mother lives, our lives changed even more. He went from seeing her in the summer to visiting every other weekend. Now that it's summer he is with her EVERY weekend, and I cant begin to explain how much my heart hurts because of this.
I want him to be around his mother and to know that side of his family. He has 3 other siblings that he SHOULD know. But I can't help but feel that I've lost a piece of my son when we moved here. I know it has a lot to do with age as well, but I am not going to deny that him being around his mother has changed him a little. He loves going there, it's a free for all, what kid wouldn't!? It's just hard.
There have been times that I've honestly thought to myself "it would have been a lot easier if I just acted as step mom all those years". I am glad I didn't do that, I am glad he is MY son, but it's hard to share a child you raise, to a woman that was never there. A woman that makes up stories as to why she wasn't there. It's hard.
Being the "step" parent sucks truthfully. Or maybe it's just a mom thing in general? I'm the bad guy because I am strict with grades, chores and rules. Believe me this kid has fun, but I won't allow D's and F's. Shoot me.
I've learned so much since being here. To back off a little. Let him experience some things on his own when it comes to his mother. He will see her for who she is, on his own. I try to sit back and let him tell me about his weekends, while I clinch my teeth lol!!
I'm jealous. And angry. Why does she get him when she wasn't around before? Why does he behave so well for HER?! I get it. Kids are better behaved for everyone else, but I take it personally I guess.
I'm learning to get past that, and just be "consistent, loving mom". Everyone tells me he will thank me one day.....I will be here waiting :)
For those that don't know (and those that do, I'm sorry to repeat myself so much!) I've been raising my son Nicholas since he was 3, and I was 18. Wow.....he is about to be 13 years old, and I sit here feeling like those years have literally flown by. When I met him he called me "girl". I thought it was cute, yet sad, that he only knew a couple words at the age of 3. If you have kids, you know how much we want our children to be able to speak correctly. How frustrating and stressful it feels when they barely speak clearly past the age of 2. Nicholas wasn't my "son" when he was three. It took a little more time then that to become his mommy. Nonetheless, I made it my mission to teach this child to speak. I won't bash his parents....Nick and Zoe were young, and naive in my opinion. Parenting is hard work, and that is what a lot of teen parents fail to see, sometimes. I don't believe ALL teen parents are the same....I was 18, a teen myself and took on parenting a child that wasn't mine.
I've been through the ringer with my son. Been there to sign him up for school, all his appointments, taught him to read, to write and obviously to speak. I've been there for every first day of school, and every day in between. I've disciplined, loved and taught manners. I've cuddled, frowned at, and held his hand. I have been his mom.
He used to visit his mother during summer break. It hurt our family to send him off for a few weeks. We always missed him, and it was so hard to explain to Laura. When we moved here, to Redding, where his mother lives, our lives changed even more. He went from seeing her in the summer to visiting every other weekend. Now that it's summer he is with her EVERY weekend, and I cant begin to explain how much my heart hurts because of this.
I want him to be around his mother and to know that side of his family. He has 3 other siblings that he SHOULD know. But I can't help but feel that I've lost a piece of my son when we moved here. I know it has a lot to do with age as well, but I am not going to deny that him being around his mother has changed him a little. He loves going there, it's a free for all, what kid wouldn't!? It's just hard.
There have been times that I've honestly thought to myself "it would have been a lot easier if I just acted as step mom all those years". I am glad I didn't do that, I am glad he is MY son, but it's hard to share a child you raise, to a woman that was never there. A woman that makes up stories as to why she wasn't there. It's hard.
Being the "step" parent sucks truthfully. Or maybe it's just a mom thing in general? I'm the bad guy because I am strict with grades, chores and rules. Believe me this kid has fun, but I won't allow D's and F's. Shoot me.
I've learned so much since being here. To back off a little. Let him experience some things on his own when it comes to his mother. He will see her for who she is, on his own. I try to sit back and let him tell me about his weekends, while I clinch my teeth lol!!
I'm jealous. And angry. Why does she get him when she wasn't around before? Why does he behave so well for HER?! I get it. Kids are better behaved for everyone else, but I take it personally I guess.
I'm learning to get past that, and just be "consistent, loving mom". Everyone tells me he will thank me one day.....I will be here waiting :)
Sunday, July 15, 2012
30 Day Challenge, Day 20!
Today I'm supposed to write about concerts I've been to.....but since I've never been to one, I'm going to write about stress as a mother.
I'm dealing with anxiety, and have been since I was pregnant with Katie in 2008. I haven't found a great way to deal with it yet. Usually I get an "attack" every week maybe once or twice and it only lasts about a minute. I feel extremely nervous, hot, and just panicked over all. Yesterday however, was a different story. I was dealing with this crap all day long. It was awful. I felt sick to my stomach because of that feeling. It made me angry, which led my husband and I to argue a little, and me to be on edge with the kids.
The day did end well, but I look back and feel like a failure as a mother. I was dealing with the anxiety and being stressed at the same time. I should have taken more breaths, relaxed and not been so impatient. Shoulda', coulda', woulda', right?
I try so hard to be "perfect" for these kids. I want them to be "perfectly happy", and well....that's so damn stressful and so far from realistic. Nothing is perfect, and normal emotions DO include, angry, sad, an even STRESSED!
Since I've been a mom, I find myself feeling guilty when I am stressed. I become short with the kids, and not as happy go lucky with them. Ugh, even writing that out, makes me feel guilty.
I'm learning that nobody is perfect, perfect doesn't exist. It's ok to feel stressed as a mom, and that what we need the most is a second to breathe. An extra hug from anyone willing to hug us, an ear to listen to us, and maybe even a drink or two! ;)
I'm dealing with anxiety, and have been since I was pregnant with Katie in 2008. I haven't found a great way to deal with it yet. Usually I get an "attack" every week maybe once or twice and it only lasts about a minute. I feel extremely nervous, hot, and just panicked over all. Yesterday however, was a different story. I was dealing with this crap all day long. It was awful. I felt sick to my stomach because of that feeling. It made me angry, which led my husband and I to argue a little, and me to be on edge with the kids.
The day did end well, but I look back and feel like a failure as a mother. I was dealing with the anxiety and being stressed at the same time. I should have taken more breaths, relaxed and not been so impatient. Shoulda', coulda', woulda', right?
I try so hard to be "perfect" for these kids. I want them to be "perfectly happy", and well....that's so damn stressful and so far from realistic. Nothing is perfect, and normal emotions DO include, angry, sad, an even STRESSED!
Since I've been a mom, I find myself feeling guilty when I am stressed. I become short with the kids, and not as happy go lucky with them. Ugh, even writing that out, makes me feel guilty.
I'm learning that nobody is perfect, perfect doesn't exist. It's ok to feel stressed as a mom, and that what we need the most is a second to breathe. An extra hug from anyone willing to hug us, an ear to listen to us, and maybe even a drink or two! ;)
Saturday, July 14, 2012
30 Day Challenge, Day 19!!
Today is Day 19!!!! YAY!!! Doing great! I'm writing about kids today....shocker? No. ;) We all have different views on parenting, and how we should raise our children. What we all have in common is that we want our kids to be happy. So why do some of us have such vast differences, when it comes to HOW to raise them happily? Maybe its because we were all raised differently, we have read different parenting books, and heard different parenting advice.
It all comes down to patience.
I don't think a parent that chooses to spank, loves their child less. Not at all. I've spanked, and I will do it again when it's needed. I think a 6 year old is too old, yet a one year old is too young, for that kind of discipline. I think the age that THAT kind of discipline is really needed is the toddler stage. About 2-4 years old. Thats when they are testing the boundaries and the rules like crazy. Now, I've been spanked in my day, and the way my father did it was unacceptable in my opinion. A child shouldn't be spanked with an object, an open hand and two swats is good enough to get their attention.
Honestly, I think there is a better way of getting your point across when it comes to this. I think sometimes some parents jump straight to spanking, it's how most of us were raised right? You do something wrong, you get spanked. Why can't we find a more loving approach? I've been raising kids since I was 18. My oldest is 12, and my youngest is approaching his second birthday in December (why oh why must they grow up so fast!?). I've had enough kids and time to kind of test out what works best. Haha that sounds bad. Don't worry, I didn't use one as my spanking kid and another as the time out tester. No, I am raising them all the same, but it's natural to learn more as we get older. I've learned more things to try with discipline, since I became a mom. What I've learned is simple. Patience.
Nicholas is going to be 13 in October. He has by far been the hardest for me the past two years, but there are a lot of contributing things to why that is. Yelling at him, or any kid truthfully, gets us nowhere! Do I do it? Yes. I lose patience sometimes, and the yell quickly emerges before I can even realize I'm doing it. I've learned this year to get a grip on that, because not only do I feel terrible after, but the kids tune me out. They all do.
I'm trying hard to approach my kids with love, and sternness. It's hard some days, but it's working. I can't remember the last time I spanked any of my kids. Simple time outs don't work for every child. It works for Laura my 6 year old. I can make her sit there for 6 minutes and when she is done, she apologizes and moves on. If I put Katie in time out, it shatters her. Different personalities. So, when you get the general advice of "do timeouts, one minute for every year".....try it. It might work, and if it doesn't don't resort to spanking, or thinking something is wrong with your kid. Try a new approach. With Katie I have to pull her aside and literally explain what she did wrong and WHY it's wrong. Laura gets that sometimes too, but their personalities are so different that, their discipline approaches have to be different. Not one thing works for every child. Not even every child of yours.
Nicholas is 12, so things are totally different there. Sentences are what works for him. It took me a long time to figure that out. I also like to have him sit and write me a letter about what exactly he did wrong. If its something tiny, of course he just gets the "come on, really?" look from me.
I believe that our kids really want to make us happy and impress us. They don't want us to be mad at them or disappointed in them, but sometimes we are. It's life. It's an emotion they have to learn. I get mad at my kids pretty much on a daily basis. I'm around them from the moment they wake up, to the moment they go to bed. Being kids, they mess up, they take chances and test boundaries. Our job as parents is to teach them, that its ok to mess up, as long as we try to fix it. After all, even as adults we still mess up, and we expect everyone to love us through it all. Let's do that for our kids.
It all comes down to patience.
I don't think a parent that chooses to spank, loves their child less. Not at all. I've spanked, and I will do it again when it's needed. I think a 6 year old is too old, yet a one year old is too young, for that kind of discipline. I think the age that THAT kind of discipline is really needed is the toddler stage. About 2-4 years old. Thats when they are testing the boundaries and the rules like crazy. Now, I've been spanked in my day, and the way my father did it was unacceptable in my opinion. A child shouldn't be spanked with an object, an open hand and two swats is good enough to get their attention.
Honestly, I think there is a better way of getting your point across when it comes to this. I think sometimes some parents jump straight to spanking, it's how most of us were raised right? You do something wrong, you get spanked. Why can't we find a more loving approach? I've been raising kids since I was 18. My oldest is 12, and my youngest is approaching his second birthday in December (why oh why must they grow up so fast!?). I've had enough kids and time to kind of test out what works best. Haha that sounds bad. Don't worry, I didn't use one as my spanking kid and another as the time out tester. No, I am raising them all the same, but it's natural to learn more as we get older. I've learned more things to try with discipline, since I became a mom. What I've learned is simple. Patience.
Nicholas is going to be 13 in October. He has by far been the hardest for me the past two years, but there are a lot of contributing things to why that is. Yelling at him, or any kid truthfully, gets us nowhere! Do I do it? Yes. I lose patience sometimes, and the yell quickly emerges before I can even realize I'm doing it. I've learned this year to get a grip on that, because not only do I feel terrible after, but the kids tune me out. They all do.
I'm trying hard to approach my kids with love, and sternness. It's hard some days, but it's working. I can't remember the last time I spanked any of my kids. Simple time outs don't work for every child. It works for Laura my 6 year old. I can make her sit there for 6 minutes and when she is done, she apologizes and moves on. If I put Katie in time out, it shatters her. Different personalities. So, when you get the general advice of "do timeouts, one minute for every year".....try it. It might work, and if it doesn't don't resort to spanking, or thinking something is wrong with your kid. Try a new approach. With Katie I have to pull her aside and literally explain what she did wrong and WHY it's wrong. Laura gets that sometimes too, but their personalities are so different that, their discipline approaches have to be different. Not one thing works for every child. Not even every child of yours.
Nicholas is 12, so things are totally different there. Sentences are what works for him. It took me a long time to figure that out. I also like to have him sit and write me a letter about what exactly he did wrong. If its something tiny, of course he just gets the "come on, really?" look from me.
I believe that our kids really want to make us happy and impress us. They don't want us to be mad at them or disappointed in them, but sometimes we are. It's life. It's an emotion they have to learn. I get mad at my kids pretty much on a daily basis. I'm around them from the moment they wake up, to the moment they go to bed. Being kids, they mess up, they take chances and test boundaries. Our job as parents is to teach them, that its ok to mess up, as long as we try to fix it. After all, even as adults we still mess up, and we expect everyone to love us through it all. Let's do that for our kids.
30 Day Challenge, Day 18!
Today is a blog I was supposed to do yesterday, but life gets too busy sometimes. Today I am writing about a tv show I have become addicted to. Well, sadly there are a few.
Big Brother. Comes on every summer and I love it!!! Nick and I even watch the live feeds lol!
Army Wives. It's amazing. Sunday's are just too far away!!! They should be on every other day! :)
American Idol. Duh.....love that one!
Teen Mom. I know, not a good show to promote lol, but I do like it!
Deadliest Catch. Nick and I have been watching it for a good 4 years. We cuddle up together and enjoy the show. Maybe it's the cuddling that I love about getting to watch that show :)
King Of Queens. FUNNY!!
Sex And The City. THAT is a great show! I'm currently re-watching all of them again :)
Dance moms. I know, I know. DESPICABLE!!! They are awful....but I can't look away!!
I'm sure there are some I'm missing, but these are my current favs!! :)
Big Brother. Comes on every summer and I love it!!! Nick and I even watch the live feeds lol!
Army Wives. It's amazing. Sunday's are just too far away!!! They should be on every other day! :)
American Idol. Duh.....love that one!
Teen Mom. I know, not a good show to promote lol, but I do like it!
Deadliest Catch. Nick and I have been watching it for a good 4 years. We cuddle up together and enjoy the show. Maybe it's the cuddling that I love about getting to watch that show :)
King Of Queens. FUNNY!!
Sex And The City. THAT is a great show! I'm currently re-watching all of them again :)
Dance moms. I know, I know. DESPICABLE!!! They are awful....but I can't look away!!
I'm sure there are some I'm missing, but these are my current favs!! :)
Thursday, July 12, 2012
30 Day Challenge, Day 17!!
Today is day 17!! I'm going to tell you what I think all my children will be when they grow up. :)
Nicholas. I see Nicholas doing something like engineering. He is into things like that, and is super smart (when he chooses to show it!!). It fits his personality completely! He says he wants to be a police officer, or maybe join the military, but I'd prefer him to not do something dangerous.....but I won't be able to stop him from doing what he wants ;)
Laura. I see her doing something like teaching. She plays school a lot, an enjoys trying to teach Katie and William all the things she learns in her class. I also see her as a doctor. She is so smart, and caring. She says she wants to be a dancer or a singer when she grows up. She loves to watch ballerinas dance away. :)
Katie. I see Katie doing theatre or something! She totally has the personality for it, but since she also likes her space, maybe she could be a drama teacher. That totally fits that little girl! I just asked Katie what she wants to be and she said "When I'm big I want to go to CHUCKEE CHEESE and give him a hug". Ok...we will revisit that question in a few more months LOL!!
William. He is still so little, but has so much personality that I can see him doing something like construction. He LOVES to fix things with daddy. He walks around "fixing" things all day. It will be fun to see what I think he'd be in a year or two. They change so quickly!
I will be happy with whatever my kids choose to be when they are older. As long as they work hard at their job, help others, and are happy.....I will be happy too :)
Nicholas. I see Nicholas doing something like engineering. He is into things like that, and is super smart (when he chooses to show it!!). It fits his personality completely! He says he wants to be a police officer, or maybe join the military, but I'd prefer him to not do something dangerous.....but I won't be able to stop him from doing what he wants ;)
Laura. I see her doing something like teaching. She plays school a lot, an enjoys trying to teach Katie and William all the things she learns in her class. I also see her as a doctor. She is so smart, and caring. She says she wants to be a dancer or a singer when she grows up. She loves to watch ballerinas dance away. :)
Katie. I see Katie doing theatre or something! She totally has the personality for it, but since she also likes her space, maybe she could be a drama teacher. That totally fits that little girl! I just asked Katie what she wants to be and she said "When I'm big I want to go to CHUCKEE CHEESE and give him a hug". Ok...we will revisit that question in a few more months LOL!!
William. He is still so little, but has so much personality that I can see him doing something like construction. He LOVES to fix things with daddy. He walks around "fixing" things all day. It will be fun to see what I think he'd be in a year or two. They change so quickly!
I will be happy with whatever my kids choose to be when they are older. As long as they work hard at their job, help others, and are happy.....I will be happy too :)
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