Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Stay true to YOU.

There have been many times in my life when I would have to take a step back and evaluate certain situations, people, and goals. We all do it. We get to a point sometimes, when you feel that something just isn't right. Maybe there are people in your life that aren't in your life for the right reasons. Maybe you feel like the path you are walking, needs to turn a bit.

The past year has been big for me. I will be 29 on Saturday (October 19), and I can't tell you how many times I've had to reevaluate things in my life. I've learned this year to have a back bone. My life is about me, my husband and our children. I've had to step back and see things from the outside a bit.

My father for instance.....what was the point of having him in my life at all the past year? I'm not sure. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and one day in my life, or maybe when my days are over, I will understand why HE was any part of my life for any amount of time. Right now I don't understand, and I'm ok with that.

He more than anyone, has taught me to really stand up for what I believe in, WHO I believe in, and to make myself happy. It hasn't been easy to go through the steps for me to get to this point. Hurting feelings, telling truths, and walking my own path, may hurt some in the process.....but we all lead our own lives. I walk this one for me and my family.

I see myself as an honest, and caring person. I so badly want to bring joy to others around me. To make other's smile. I want to inspire others to be more caring. I do this daily, smiling at strangers in the store, helping when I can, lending a hug to another mom at the girls school, when I can see she needs it most.

But I'm human. I have feelings too. I should be able to voice my opinion, say it how it is sometimes, and get angry.

I have learned this year that it's OK for me to feel the way I feel about certain things. I'm the type of person that wants to fix everything. I want to apologize when I shouldn't have to, and I want to make it all better for everyone. I want to back track when I've said how I REALLY feel, and I want to look over things that truly bother me. This year however.....I've learned to STOP doing that.

I'm not the queen of fixing everything. I can't make things perfect for everyone, and you know what........I'm not saying sorry EVER, for how I feel about anything. I am entitled to my opinions and feelings, and if it upsets you in the meantime.....then maybe it's you that has some reevaluating to do. :/

My point is......each year I've learned more about life, but most importantly, more about myself. I like me. I feel like I am happy in my skin and in my mind. This year has been a big learning experience for me. It's been a bumpy road.....but I've grown from every single bump.

I'm believe that we all have a voice for a reason. To stand up for something that is bigger than ourselves, and to make sure how YOU feel, is heard. Sometimes it is hard to change things in your life, but change, no matter how scary.....is always good.


Sunday, October 6, 2013


Tonight I sit here next to you Nicholas, and you are now 14 years old. I'm not sure how the time has gone so quickly, but it has. I just looked at you a few minutes ago and said "how was your birthday?" and you smiled the same smile you had when you were 3, and said "it was really good, thanks for everything mom". When you are a parent, you are going to realize how much what you just said means.

I look back tonight at all of the years that we've spent together. All the ups and downs. The stress, and excitement. Parenthood, as I've told you many times before, is hard, but worth every minute.

When I became your mom, I knew the road would have some bumps in it. I was right. The bumps have taught both of us, how much we mean to each other. How much we both need each other. You are my oldest son, and I couldn't imagine a life without you in it. You are such a big part of our family. Your brother and sisters look up to you so much. They think you are the most amazing person ever, and believe everything you say.

Thank you for helping me with your siblings. For seeing me stressed out, and asking "is there anything I can do to help?". For feeling comfortable enough to ask me about anything, and for trusting me enough to talk to me about things that are sometimes hard for teens to talk to their parents about. Thank you for always introducing me to your friends as "Mom".

Thank you for always making me laugh, for saying "I love you" every single day, and for letting me guide you in this world. Thank you for giving me attitude, because we all know damn well, that teenagers only give this type of attitude to MOM. As much as I hate eye rolls....I can't help but feel grateful that you see me as your only mom.

You have been through more than any 14 year old should go through, as far as your birth mother is concerned. I need you to know that everything happens for a reason, and to be perfectly honest....her loss is my absolute gain. I am proud to call you my son. I'm proud to stand by you every day. I'm even proud to walk into your school when the principal calls me in, because even if you are getting yourself into trouble....I know you are always there waiting for ME to walk through those doors. You know that you can count on me. I hope you always remember that.

Right now you are going through such a hard time, because being 14 isn't easy. Especially now. You are trying to fly on your own, and you are learning that every choice you make has a consequence. You are learning at your own pace, and that's ok. You remind me every single day, that you are growing into a smart, honest, trustworthy, respectful young man.

I only see great things for you. You are such a happy, funny, kind boy and I hope you always keep those traits. Remember that life is supposed to be a wonderful adventure. You will learn so much more in your life, and I can't wait to hear about it all during our nightly kitchen talks.

I love you son. Happy Birthday!

Love always,



                                       Let's take a look back at the past 14 years.


Happy Birthday Nicholas!
Love, Mom