Thursday, May 31, 2012

You CAN actually have happy kids, AND a clean house.

 I think we've all hit the "like" button on a post we see on facebook, that read something like "My house is dirty, but my kids are happy". Or " A clean house is a wasted life". I'll admit to hitting the like button in my I HATE CLEANING haste. I came across a picture of this tonight while on pinterest, and it got me thinking.
 Uh......WHY can't you have a clean house AND happy kids? And HOW is a clean house a wasted life? Seriously, I don't want my kids growing up in a dirty, cluttered germ infested home. Playing with these kids is not ALL they need. And I've noticed the people posting these things, are the ones posting many many times a day. I'm not judging, spend all day online, whatever, but why not spend some of the time cleaning instead of facebooking?
 I have 4 kids, I have errands to run, meals to make, workouts to do, appointments, the list goes on and CLEANING is on the top of my list daily. Why? Because my kids deserve a clean home. They learn how to be clean by seeing ME clean.
 A clean house is a wasted life? ATTENTION......YOU CAN'T POST THAT IF YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR TIME PARTYING, ONLINE, OR SHOPPING WITHOUT YOUR KIDS!!!!!! Phew....I just had to get that off my chest. Let's just call it like it is....."A clean house means I have to get off my ass and turn off the computer". If you are going to post these things, then PLEASE post about spending time with your family, so it actually evens out a bit.
 Your kids can't possibly be completely happy with a dirty house. I won't even entertain the idea of any child growing up in a cluttered messy house, being 100% happy. In my opinion it can't happen. Kids' don't care? Yes they do. My kids make messes that a tornado would be jealous of, but they NOTICE it. They say something about it, and get to cleaning. I've had sick days when Nick was at work or school, and cleaning didn't happen at all that day. Dishes piled up in the sink, toys were everywhere, clothes thrown about, and my kids noticed. They would make comments about the house being messy. Not rudely, just noticing. So when a parent tells me that kid's don't care, or's a lie. They do notice. They notice a parent cleaning the house. I always saw my mom cleaning when I was little and I felt respect for my mom. She wanted to keep our house clean, for not only her, but the kids.
 So I certainly won't be posting or "liking" and posts about "my house is a mess, but my kids are happy". I just don't agree with it. I play with my kids for hours and hours EVERY day.....and my house is very clean. If I can do can YOU!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Blown Away.

 I haven't posted about the issue with my father in a while, so I figured, now is as good a time as any.

 If you've followed my blogs, you should know most everything that has happened with my father and me. If not, go take a look back because I can't make THAT story a "short story" ;)

 I haven't had much contact with him in the past couple months. He did text me a random "hi" a couple weeks ago. I didn't reply, so that apparently made him feel he had the right to say "I take that as a get lost, ok". He couldn't have just said...."Kristin, you know, I really want to apologize for whatever I have put you through". No, that would be taking responsibility, and we just can't have that! ;)

 It's funny to me. People in this crazy messed up world, will put OTHER people through grief, and even years later don't ever get the inkling to apologize, or even address what may be the issue. Why is that?

 Why is it ok?

 We watched a movie a while ago, I can't remember the name, but it kinda went like this.

 Dad is a drunk during his son's life, is a total screw up, boy turns into a man and says "no more".  Dad cleans himself up years later and tries to reconnect with son. Son has children and a marriage of his own, doesn't want anything to do with dad. Dad takes it hard.

 I honestly can't say I remember the hit too close to home for me to pay attention.

 My point is.......I've had several people point this movie out to me. "what if your dad is like THAT dad, and really is sober now and wants to reconnect?"
 What about it? Why is it ok to do whatever you want to do, screw up your life so bad, hurt your children deeply, and decide one day that you will "change", and now your kids, or whoever has been hurt, has to let you back in? Why?

 How does that make sense? I don't know, I will never be able to truly wrap my head around that. When you deeply hurt someone, chances are they will not let it happen again.

 I won't. I've seen too much, heard too much and been put through too much.

 I feel angry still and I guess maybe bitter? I can admit that. I'm tired of hearing "give him a chance." I have. Most people don't realize just how many chances I have given this man that I call my father, because I simply never put it out there. I didn't tell people each and every time he said he was clean and on day 60 of being sober, just to call me the next week saying he was on day 89 of being sober. My my my......a sober man should be able to count, right?

 I went through that for years. I can't count how many chances I've given him, to be a good.....shit a HALF good dad. Yet, people come to me as if I'm bad for turning my back after years of this. Am I supposed to spend my life going through this every month? Putting my kids on hold, while I sit and listen to his drunk calls? I won't. Pin me as the bad daughter I guess, but while you do that, remember that I'm choosing to be a good mother.

 I heard a song called "Blown Away" by Carrie Underwood, a couple days ago. I was just that....blown away. The lyrics were as if I wrote them. I had tears in my eyes because it felt like it was meant for me to hear. I want all those memories blown away. I try to look back on memories that were good with him, and I can come up with a handful. I'm glad I have those, but most of my memories are littered with a drunk dad.

 I'm trying hard in my own way to move on slowly. I don't see him as a dad to me. He didn't raise me, and he certainly didn't talk to me the way a dad should talk to his daughter. I'm at the point now where I'm trying to have these memories blown away. I will hold onto the good and be thankful that I have them......but the bad ones need to go away. I don't have room for them.

 One day, he will realize all the pain he has caused, and maybe he will even apologize. I could really use that, to be honest. For now, I will focus on my children.....on raising them right, with love and wonderful memories.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Sunshine, picnics, and water balloons!

 Just as I thought I couldn't take another day of rain, the sun came shinning through the clouds, and has been for weeks now! YAY!!!!
 I grew up in Arizona, so I'm used to sunshine pretty much all year round. The rain during the winter here in Redding, puts me in a negative mood honestly. I don't like it. It's depressing to know the sun is hiding behind a thick blanket of clouds, day after day. So when spring hits, and the rain fades, you can find me outside most days.
 I love it. I grew up playing outside all day, until my mom MADE me come inside to eat. I remember using my imagination, and I often see that is lost on youngsters these days. It's awful to see a 6 year old child, sitting on the curb playing an ipod. Is it ipad? I don't even know. I hate technology honestly. I hate that it has consumed the youth of this generation. I was lucky to grow up with my mom making me use my brain, play with friends, have fun and come up with our own games. I can now at 27 use technology, like my new phone (which I have to admit, I am totally excited about) and not get consumed in it, and lose having a REAL life.
 My kids know that now that school is almost out, and they don't have any homework, when they get home it's snack time out in the grass. I lay out a big blanket, and they get to pick from the pre-approved snack bucket. Yes...when you have four kids, it's no longer a bowl....but a bucket. :)
 We enjoy our snack laying in the grass and talking about our day. Snack time doesn't last long though, they are eager to pull out the bikes, scooter, water table, and water balloons. Why is it that as soon as we open our garage, it's like an alarm to all the neighborhood kids that we are out and play is on!? LOL, I must admit, that I do enjoy having the "fun house" in the neighborhood. I grew up with the house that all my friends wanted to be at, and I love that its the same way for my kids.
 WE usually have three other children join our outside antics, and it lasts for hours upon hours.Recently Nick became a little burnt out from all the outside play. I can understand that, he needs time in the house without a ton of children raiding our garage for outside toys, and begging for "another  push on the swing", or having 4 children at once saying "watch ME!". I get it. He loves to play with our kids outside, but he needs down time sometimes as well. But I can't say I get burnt out from it. THIS is what I've wanted. I WANT to be outside with my kids, as long as I can be. Playing, and letting them play.
 I've noticed that if we have a quiet day in the's not really quiet. The kids are getting frustrated with each other, fighting, and honestly....I get frustrated with them too. So, outside play is usually on our daily activity list. There is so much for them to do, and seeing them use their imagination, without a tv or iwhateveryoucallit, makes me feel like I'm doing my job as their mother. I'm giving them what I was given by my own mother. A personality, an opinion, friends, and what I think so many forget is so imagination.
 So friends, this summer I encourage all of you to take your kids outside, with or without toys. It doesn't will find that being outside in the sunshine will bring you and your kids closer, and they will truly thank you when they are older. :)