Wednesday, January 8, 2014

ANOTHER holiday?!

If you know me, you know I love a good holiday! I LOVE to do fun holiday crafts with the kids, for EVERY holiday. I love to decorate the house with all the fun crafts we do. I like to give little sweet gifts to the kids for each holiday. I love it all. BUT.....

Sometimes enough is enough! I mean, Christmas was literally like yesterday right? Ok, well a couple weeks ago, but if feels like it was yesterday. And here I am looking online for fun Valentine's day craft ideas for the kids, and gifts for their classes.

Didn't we just say Happy New Year, and already fail at our resolutions?! Why must there be a holiday at every corner?!

Most importantly, why must I feel the need to go all out for each holiday?

Maybe because I already set the bar when Nicholas and Laura were real little. I feel like I can't really take it down a notch, without feeling like the two little's will miss out on what I've already done for the two oldest.

It's just kind of exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I adore my kids crafts and handing out fun gifts to the kid's classes.....but it starts to become overwhelming, when there seems to be another holiday 6 days after the last.

I won't ever tone it down, because this is who I am. I get annoyed that there is already another holiday creeping up on us, yet I always find a way to outdo the previous year.

So, while I sit here begrudgingly looking for new Valentine's day ideas on pinterest....I will remember the smiles from my kids little faces, when they see the new ideas I come up with. THAT is why it's worth it. :)

Why I write.

Recently I had a friend ask me a great question, "why do you blog?". It wasn't in a hateful, annoyed way. She seriously wanted to know my intentions, and what I got out of it.

I love this questions. I have so many reasons why I choose to blog. First, its cheap therapy. Writing my thoughts, no matter how meaningless they are to other people.....becomes very meaningful to me. It puts my thoughts in order, and really lets me get out feelings that I tend to hold inside.

I have memories written down, that will be here forever. Look at my birthday letters, that I write to each kid on their birthday. I plan to print each one out and make a book out of them, for each kid to have when they get older. I would have loved to have something like that. Something showing you just how your mom felt about you at each age, and seeing pictures of your growth through each year. That alone, is reason enough to blog.

I hope to inspire others. I'm letting people see a piece of my life (not all of it, haven't you noticed that I don't blog about my marriage....hehe).....I want to make others laugh, I want other parents to feel like they aren't alone. I want moms to know they are so incredibly important, in their children's lives. I go through things that so many other people go through as well.....and its nice to feel like someone out there is reading along and nodding their head with me.

I've been so inspired by all of you as well! Any time I get positive feedback about a blog I wrote, my heart is so happy!

This blog of mine has grown so much in the past couple years. I have always written in a journal, and felt like other moms might want to read some of my thoughts. I feel empowered when I write, and hopefully, one day, I will be able to write my own book.

Until then, stay tuned for a lot more blogs from yours truly. :)


Tuesday, January 7, 2014


I read this quote quite some time ago, and it still sticks with me. Let me explain. I have gone through a lot of emotional turmoil, regarding my situation with my father. I spent years feeling like I was broken. I felt like I was out of place all the time because, in the back of my mind, I was constantly replaying conversations that my father and I would have.

I was trapped, by the past.

I have since learned that EVERYONE has a past. EVERYONE has some kind of sadness, embarrassment, and heartache in their past. But I was the one letting it control me. I forgot that I wasn't the only one who might be having a hard time dealing with their reality.

I've spent years dealing with anxiety, caused from my past with my father, and finally....after reading this quote.....I let some of that go.

I've realized that I'm not alone. And if you are dealing with a parent who is dealing with an addiction, YOU are not alone either.

I have to face the fact though, that there will always be a part of me that is a little broken. And that's ok. It's ok to have a piece of me that will always be mending. I won't give up hope that one day I will have my heart be whole again.

I've grown into who I am today, because of what I've gone through. So, instead of feeling anxious, or angry....I will feel proud that I've come out standing tall.


Monday, January 6, 2014

29 with a 14 year old.

My oldest son is 14, and is now taller than I am. It's pretty awkward to be frustrated with him and give a lecture when I'm looking up at him HA!

Funny thing to me, is I have dozens of friends who are worried about how much longer they will have to buy diapers for, and I'm over here worried about getting money together to buy my oldest a CAR in just two short years.

I am dealing with sex talks, motivational speeches, girlfriend advice, and some serious LIFE discussions......yet I have to turn around and have talks about letters, how to make sure we watch where we pee so it doesn't get on the wall or floor, how to color in the lines, and tying shoes.

I guess it's all normal to me now, to have kids with such a huge age gap in between my oldest and youngest. It's been a blessing to be honest with you. I can rely on my oldest to help out when I really need it. I know he will lend a hand in a heartbeat, when I'm sporting that frazzled mommy look.

Discussing these mature topics is a normal thing here in our home. The door is always wide open for any talks, that need to be had. I've always been very open with my kids about life. But especially with my oldest son.

He came to me when I was 18 and he was 3, and I've been his mom ever since. He didn't come from my belly, but from my heart. I've had to always be very honest with him about the first 3 years of his life. About his mother. I didn't want to look back one day and realize I would have to tell him that I'm not his birth mother. He's always known that he grew in my heart and we were meant to be mom and son.

He's always been the type of kid who isn't embarrassed to talk about life things, like sex, and maturing. He will bluntly ask me a question, just as bluntly as I give the answer.

I'm thankful though, to be raising a teenager.....I mean, he's my first child, and I've learned everything from parenting him. I've been able to figure out how to discuss certain topics that are very mature, early on so I won't need to figure it out when my girls need to talk.

So, to everyone who is feeling embarrassed about telling their son they have a penis and it's not really called a "peepee", just remember your friend over here who is having to talk about BIRTH CONTROL with her teenager! :/


Sunday, January 5, 2014


It's the new year and I've seen more new year's resolutions on my facebook page, than I can count. People want to lose weight, they want to stop cursing, they want to drop the fast food and soda and coffee. Not me.

I want to become more FIT, I won't ever base my self esteem or happiness on a number on the scale ever again. I simply can't just STOP cursing....sorry mom....sometimes no other words can fit exactly like "DAMNIT!", when I'm mad. I don't drink much soda, and fast food....we eat it about once or twice a month, no need to stop that....right? Coffee....there is no way in hell that I'm dropping that!

Mostly I just want to continue to live happily. I don't feel the need to change anything, or to start something different, that will ultimately end in me throwing out the window. I'm happy. I have my husband and kids, and our home, and I'm happy.

I have absolutely made resolutions in the past. Mostly to lose weight. That's some pressure right there, and I just can't deal with that anymore. I want to live as stress free as possible, and I honestly feel like I'm going in the right direction with that.

Of course our lives can never fully be stress free. I have 4 kids for goodness sake! But I've learned to let things go. I used to bottle things up, and stress about every little thing that didn't go as planned. I'm a planner, but like I said...I have 4 kids. That's a recipe for disaster. Most things don't go as planned here. We kind of just go with the flow...but that hasn't come easily for me.

This year, I hope to continue to thrive from the smiles my kids give me, from the waves of neighbors, the phone calls with family, and the kisses from my husband. I hope to continue to remember how blessed I am, and to remember that smiling at strangers, can change their entire day.

This year, I want to continue to be happy.

Babies turning into kids!

We all know I had my tubes tied a few years ago. Honestly, there are times I seriously forget that I can't have anymore children. At the beginning it was hard. I would almost panic at the thought of not being able to get pregnant. If you know me, you know I'm a control freak. Ok not a freak...well, maybe a little. ;)

I hate not being in months after having my tubes tied, I found myself upset about it. I felt like I had no control of my body anymore. But I was wrong. I made the decision to not have anymore kids. Not because I didn't like having kids.....we all know I love me a baby belly. I guess the newborn is a perk too. ;) I chose to make my family, a family of 6, on purpose. 4 kids....2 boys and 2 girls felt right. The boys share a room and the girls share a room. I couldn't imagine adding another child to the mix.

But lets dive a little deeper than numbers and sanity is good with 4 kids. Add one more.....might not be so sane anymore. I'm seriously OVER dealing with time outs, and tantrums. Adding another child, starting completely over? No thanks. I'm good.

I absolutely adored my pregnancies, and my babies....I adore them every day. Do I adore the rolling of eyes, telling kids to clean their rooms 4 thousand times, whining, complaining, fighting, and all the god damn sticky fingers?! Nope. It's all worth it....but I am so thrilled to see my kids getting older and growing past (kind of) those things.

I feel like our family is maturing together. We no longer have to carry a diaper bag, and an extra change of clothes wherever we go. We don't have to plan our schedule around nap times (is that a good or bad thing? I don't know).

I see William speaking clearly, and not, anymore. There are times that I feel sad at how QUICKLY they are growing up, but I certainly am happy to be out of the baby stages.

So to all my friends and family with sweet little babies, don't mind me when I want to snuggle them for a little bit. My heart feels happy with a baby in my arms, but my sanity feels happy with a full night of sleep!