Where is the off button!?

I'm not sure if I'm getting old, if I'm losing patience, or if I've just been a mom for so long now, that I literally have prayed for an off button for my kids.

I love them, you know I do....but an off button would really make this shit a lot easier. 

Bedtime is a damn life saver. Could you imagine if they never....ever slept!? Ahh!!! I know I know.....stop thinking about it...it's terrifying. 

There is that time right after school, between 2:30 and 4pm when all hell breaks loose. They've been perfect little students all day. Sweet, well mannered, rule abiding students for 6 hours. God forbid they come home and be just as sweet for 5 minutes longer. 

Nope...it can't happen. They've held in their evil far too long. So I get the brunt of their said evil. 

This is when an off button...or shit...pause for that matter....would be real damn swell. 

I made these little people though, so I'll keep them....but you bet you sweet bippy I'm going to be rich and famous one day for inventing an off, pause or MUTE button for children.

Thank me later! ;)

<3

9 months......

Well hello....we meet again. 

It's been 9 months since the last blog I wrote was published. 9 months ago I said I'd be more active with my writing. I'm shocked that it's been 9 months. I really had to look at the publish date several times and thought, wow...I really procrastinated! 

On a serious note....a lot has happened in the past 9 months, and I was really not in the mood to write. In a writing funk if you will. 

My oldest son who just turned 17, moved in with my in laws last November. I thought long and hard about even talking about it on here, but I came to realize that there is absolutely no way that I'm the only parent who goes through extremely hard, soul shaking times with one of her kids. 

I've been through a lot with my kiddos, but this move was especially life changing. I couldn't see any way to write about this and spin it into a positive. There was no positive in those first few months for me. 

I woke up and went to sleep feeling like a failure. Day in and day out I thought to myself...what did I do wrong? But finally.....2 months ago I had a realization that I wish I could have had a long time ago. 

I did nothing wrong. Nobody did. Period. I have to make choices for myself and my youngest children. My 17 year old has to make choices for himself.....whether I agree with them or not...he's going to make them. 

I finally backed off. I didn't want to. He's my son...he's my boy. How do you just "back off". Well....you just do. Sometimes kids have to fall on their own. Sometimes kids have to figure stuff out on their own. 

As hard as it was....as many people told me to...I needed to come to that point on my own and just say I've had enough. 

Sadly he has moved out of my in laws home, for separate but similar issues and is now living down the street with his mother. I know....I know......I'm sure many of you reading that sentence now have their jaws on the floor. Pick them up my friends. You read it right. To be honest and frank.....he needs to be there. 

We are all trying to figure out this new chapter, it'll be interesting and a learning experience for sure, but we will do it!

I'll leave you all with that for now. I have so much more to dive into, so please stay tuned and please.....forgive me for these next couple blogs....what kind of blogger writes on their cell phone!? This one....for now ha!! 

Til next time.

<3

Umm...hello...are you still there?

I can't believe I'm going to admit this.....but it's been almost a year and a half since my last blog. :/

All I can say is life happened. Kids, family, friends...life has been going so fast that any time I even thought about writing again, the moment would pass just as fast as it had come to me.

I looked back at my last few posts and I laughed and felt kind of sad for the year and a half ago me. I was going through a lot then....I guess I still am now, but there is a difference.

The past 2 years have actually been so good for me as a person, as a mom, a wife, a friend. I've spent more time around family, and friends who have become more like family, and it's really put me in a place in my life where I feel good.

My friends have not only really been here for me, but they have taught me something so extremely valuable. To have a back bone. I'm 31 years old and have recently learned that my opinion matters. If I don't like something its absolutely ok for me to speak up.

Of course my anxiety is a daily struggle, but not like it was a while ago. It's there, it will always be there, but I'm able to keep it at bay more and remind myself that I can't control MOST things, and it's ok.

Honestly since spending more time with friends, my anxiety seems to be better than its been in a really long time. Knowing I have some close people to vent to, has helped more than ever.

Having fun get togethers has been a pretty big theme of the past couple years, and I wouldn't change it. My kids aren't babies anymore, so now I'm not just MOM. I'm Kristin. I've found a way to still be here for my kiddos and husband, and still find time to be a friend. For me, it's been what I needed for a long time.

So all in all things are good here. I've been super distracted from the blog world, but I'm back. I can't promise just yet, how often I will write. I have so much to write about, but they are all such different topics ha! I guess that means more blogs right?!

For now I will leave you with something I've learned this past year.....

No matter where you are, who you surround yourself with, and what you are doing....remember the MOST important thing is to love yourself. Nobody can help you with that. If you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.

See you all soon

<3

Overwhemled = Just another side effect of having kids.

Do you ever wonder how well other people really "have it all together"? I do. Sometimes I am at the store and see other parents walk around the store so effortlessly with quiet kids, NO LIST, and a cart full of healthy foods. HOW?!

I feel frazzled and overwhelmed many of my days, and then I wonder....how do other people think of me? Do I come off as overwhelmed as I feel? Hmm.. I guess it wouldn't be a bad thing. I mean, if you have kids I would bet just about anything that you've felt overwhelmed and at your wits end, at some point. If not.....teach me!

I love my kids and seriously have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I do love it. But there is and probably always will be a part of me that feels....flustered. Overwhelmed. Tired. Oh so tired.

What makes things worse is when you have had your kids at school all day, and they come home and fight, argue, whine. You name it. They are tired....I totally get it. They need to kind of unload all of what has been bottled up all day. Believe me....I GET IT. I can't help but immediately feeling frustrated, and then I begin the bedtime countdown. :/

Sigh.....I guess we all have these days. It feels like the day has already been long, and you are so over the day to day stuff, but kids don't care. They aren't really supposed to, so I can't blame them. But I'd do anything for one completely easy, calm, quiet, day.

I guess being overwhelmed is just one more "side effect" of having kids, just like being completely ready for bed by 8pm!

If you are having a rough day too, then I am sending you my biggest hugs, and an understanding smile.

Here's to tomorrow being amazing, stress free and just a little more quiet than today.

<3

First day of the rest of my life.....

I am just going to jump right into this, simply because my thoughts are everywhere and I can't think of a witty way to start this one off.

First off, I've been MIA in the blog world for a bit. I've been dealing with my anxiety again....I know...its ridiculous. I hate it, and it is so over staying its welcome in my little life. But its something I've been dealing with for years, so really its nothing new. It's just deciding to affect my body now, so that's not cool.

It's been hard to think of a new blog to write. I had this goal of writing a new one each week and I totally was overwhelmed so I just didn't write at all. Don't worry though....I'm going to have more time to write, more time to think and more time to find myself. Why??

Because the kids are back in school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh.....that summer was long. My kids are great, but they aren't different from any other kids...they fight, they have attitudes, they get on my nerves and I'm sure I do the same to them.

So finally school has started which leads to an abundance of anxiety for this girl. :/ Can't I just worry a bit like a normal mom and not feel like my head is about to explode with worry? I'm waiting for the day!

Nicholas started 9th grade this year. Yea....I'm 29 and have a high schooler. Weird!!!
Laura started 3rd grade, Katie started 1st and William started preschool.

The older kids had an amazing first day of school. The girls have lots of friends in their classes, which makes me happy, and they even get to sit with each other for a bit during lunch. Laura is such a great big sister, always looking out for Katie. :)

Nicholas is in an entirely new world now. Only a few of his friends are going to the same high school, so he is kind of being forced to make new friends. As much as I know how hard that is to do....I'm really happy about it. He needs to start this school year with a clean slate, and I think it's going to benefit him greatly.

William's first day of preschool was today. He's actually there right now as I type this. I can't explain how scary this is for me. It's a weird feeling to be without my kids when they are so young. William is only 3 years old. He will be 4 in December. But I like to make my kids do 2 years of preschool, so they are more socialized and can get the hang of what school is all about. My older kids have all done it and they've all really enjoyed having those 2 years to kind of get ahead.

I on the other hand worry about my youngest. He's such a sweet boy, but he's never been away from me or his family. If he has been babysat, it's only been by family, so this is new for the both of us. I know he will be ok. Deep down I KNOW that things will be fine, but I can't help but look at my phone every 5 minutes to see if I missed a call from the school. I am worried that he will be scared, or that he is thinking that I'm not coming back for him. I'm worried about the stupid stuff too, like if he is thirsty, will he remember where the water is? Will he be too scared to get a drink or to go to the bathroom?

Anxiety......go the hell away now!!

I know, I sound like a lunatic.....but I just worry.

It was hard to say goodbye to him this morning. This is the very last time I will be putting a child of mine in school for their very first day of school. What made it even harder, was that he was totally ok with it. He just wanted to play with the toys, and even though he gave me the sweetest hug and kiss.....he just wanted me to leave.

I figured it would be hard on me. It is, but I have to add here that I am thrilled. I have had children as my shadow all day every day since I was 18 years old. 11 years of nonstop mom mode. I love it, don't get me wrong....but I'd be a damn liar if I didn't tell you how completely excited I am to have 3 hours to myself each day. I can workout, without stopping every 10 minutes to break up fights. I can get this house clean, go to the store ALONE!? I can't tell you how long I've waited for, yet dreaded this day!! ;)

I'm hoping for a great year for all of my kids. I'm hoping they have fun and learn a lot, make new friends and grow independently.

I know I will be doing the same :)

No explanations needed.

This morning I woke up and did the first thing I do everyday.....brush the hair out of my face, stare at the clock until numbers start to make sense to me again, and then grab my phone. I believe the cell phone has become the modern day newspaper.

I read something right away that really grabbed my attention. Usually coffee and kids fighting are the only things to grab my attention that early in the morning.

Here it is...

Pretty powerful right? I mean, I think this is something every one of us should read. Remembering that you don't owe anyone an explanation for your life is really important.

I took this one to heart. I've had countless people tell me that I should forgive my father for the past. I should let him back into my life, and move on. To get over it.

I've really thought long and hard about my choice to not speak to him, and reading this really validated it for me. Why do I owe anyone an explanation? I don't. It's my choice. I'm living my life happily and don't have to come up with any excuses for it.

I hope this little quote means something to you all too. We all come from different walks of life, but at the end of the day we need to remember that we are meant to be here. We are meant to lead our own paths, and we don't owe ANYONE an explanation or an apology for it.

<3

The mom fight,

If you are a woman, and have had a child....you have experienced "the mom fight".

Oh you all know exactly what I'm talking about. That nasty fight, that what seems like most women have with each other.

You are walking through the grocery store and of course now is the time that your little one decides is perfect for a tantrum. What do you get? Not only the stress of figuring out how to stop the tantrum, but you also have all the mom eyes on you.

It's so frustrating. When we should band together and build each other up, we seem to only tear each other apart.

And it's not just when we are face to face. It's over the internet, through COMMERCIALS. I mean, why can't we just say you know what.....screw it. I'm here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on.....because if you are a mom you NEED one of those. I'm here if you need a sitter, if you want to vent, rant, scream and throw your own fit. I'm here.

Instead we say, "oh tommy is being a little booger in school.....its because you aren't doing THIS or THAT right", "you DON'T spank?!", "you DO spank?!", "you should be doing this instead", "you spend too much time with your kids", "you don't spend enough time with your kids".

It's disgusting.

We find the fault in what we are all doing "wrong". And who even gets to be the one to say it's wrong in the first place? Just because we parent different, have different life styles and see things differently.......doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just....different.

So, I'm here to tell every one of you moms, that you are not only needed so much by your children, but you are doing a great job at it all! Whether you can go on every field trip, or barely find time for homework with your little one....at the end of the day, the only thing that matters, is if your children feel loved.

Instead of having a wall put up between moms, lets break that shit down and stand TOGETHER.

<3