Saturday, December 15, 2012

Happy 7th Birthday Laura!!!!!

Dear Laura,
  You are now 7 years old!! It truly is mind blowing to think of how quickly the past 7 years have gone! I remember finding out I was pregnant with you. We tried for so long to have you. And then one day, our wishes came true. Then I found out you were a girl!!! Grandma Jan and I went shopping all afternoon. Our mission- find anything PINK! And we did :)
 The day I had you, changed my life forever. I had never experienced seeing a miracle happen. Seeing you come into this world, taking your first breath, being passed around the room and being ooh'd and awww'd at. It was amazing. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about all the happiness you have brought into our world.
 Then you had your 1'st, 2'nd, 3rd, and 4th birthdays. The years went so quickly. You became a big sister TWICE. You started school, made friends, and found your love of reading. :)
 The past year you have grown more than any year before. Not only are you always making us proud at home, with sharing, giving out those sweet hugs, making the silliest jokes, and asking the best are making us proud in school! You read so much, you are so gifted. You learn something once, and you just 'get it'. You are a helper in class, you make friends easily, and you are always thinking of others. That's my girl :)
 Seeing you grow each year, learning more and more has been a blessing. You have taught me so much, that it brings me big smiles, just thinking of how much YOU have changed ME.
 You have grown into a sweet little girl, that LOVES to read, dance and sing out loud. You come up with great stories, and I absolutely LOVE our journal we share. You are so independent yet I can see that you will always need mama hugs. I will always need hugs from you too!
 Laura I have been honored to be your mommy. You have been such a wonderful daughter. Please don't ever lose your sense of humor. The way you dance and sing, even knowing when we are watching. We are always here cheering you on, and always will be. Thank you for bringing such joy into our lives, big smiles every day, and an amazing love into our hearts. I love you so much sweetie. Happy 7th Birthday!

Love forever,

                       Here is a look at how much you have grown!!

                         In mama's belly, the night before you were born.
Welcome to the world Laura Elizabeth!!
Blue eyed baby!

First Birthday!!
Second Birthday!!
Third Birthday!!
4th Birthday!!
5th Birthday!!
6th Birthday!!
7th Birthday!!
You and your siblings 2012
Our family 2012

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Happy 2nd Birthday William!!!

 Happy Birthday my sweet boy!!! I am amazed at how fast 2 years went. You have been such an amazing son, keeping us laughing, and smiling!
 The day you were born, was a bittersweet day for mama. I was so extremely happy to have you in my arms. I felt like I waited so long to have my boy. You cried the sweetest cry, and the moment I laid my eyes on you, my life would be forever changed, in the best way possible.
 You nursed like a champ right off the bat, and I held you for so long, skin to skin, smelling your sweet baby smell. When I had the spinal headache that lasted 3 days, it was horrible. Those three days of pain, were the hardest of my life. You kept me going. Seeing your perfect skin, your sweet little lips, and tiny fingers. The love I had for you, and your daddy and brother and sisters, kept me going. I couldn't sit up, so daddy would lay you next to me just so I could see you and feel you against my chest. I waited so long for my baby were so close to me, yet so far away. It was very difficult, but I held on to hope.
 I look back on those days sometimes, and I look at you now, and I'm so thankful for everything we went through that first week of your life. I will never deny those were the hardest days of my life, but they were also the most beautiful. It made the bond of mama and son, so much greater. We held on to each other, from across the room, knowing we were there for each other.
 This morning, when I first saw you, my first words were "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!".......yours were "STOP!" :) :) Yep, your my little stinker :) You are so full of life, that I find amazement in just watching you, have your own little way to do things. Your own little way of dancing, and playing with your siblings. Your way of trying to impress daddy :) You have created a love in this family, that is so perfect. We just weren't whole without you.
 You've done so much growing this year, that I sometimes laugh at how easy you have been for mommy and daddy. You have practically potty trained yourself (which I'm not complaining about), you say anything, anyone says, you try your best to keep up with your older brother and sisters, and refuse to be unheard. You are perfectly you.
 The days of you being a baby, are coming so close to an end, it hurts me. I want to hold you in my arms after nap time, rocking in "our chair", kissing your cheek and smelling your hair, forever. I know that isn't possible, but I certainly am cherishing every "baby" moment with you.
 Thank you sweet William, for bringing so much joy into all of our lives. You have made the world a brighter, more beautiful place to be. Always keep your sense of humor, and love of people. It will get you far in life. I love you so much, and will always be the first to pick you up and hug you tight. Mama's arms is right where you fit. :)

Love forever,

      Here is a look at how much you've grown!!!!



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

"One of those days"

If you are a human being, you have had "one of those days". It's when things go wrong every chance they get, you seem to feel crummy all day, and the day is NEVER ENDING! BUT, if you have children, its different. Yes, we decided to have children, they are loved and we are happy that we have all these little blessings around us, but believe it or not, we get the "one of those days" too.

For me, these days are super hard. The kids seem to have lost their ears, yet can still hear each other when they are arguing. Nap time is never long on these days, and you are ALWAYS out of the little things that might make you feel coffee. If you are having one of those days, and don't have coffee, I will pray for you! ;)

When you are a parent, and having one of those days, you feel alone. Nobody understands. THAT is the hardest part. Especially if you are a stay at home parent.

I've had many many days that I felt jealous of Nick. That he got to be out of the house, that he got to socialize with people over the age of 5. Again, YES I chose this. Can't I have bad days too though? Which is an entire different post....but as parents, we need to stick together. Working or not, we have bad days, and shouldn't have to have a disclaimer for our feelings.

What I have found that works, is a movie. Seriously. I put a movie on for the kids, make some popcorn, and then I sit in the kitchen alone, with some coffee (unless I'm out, then I will enjoy a shot or two! JUST KIDDING!!!). Those few minutes that I have to think to myself and get myself together, are vital on bad days.

So to my friends and family going through a bad day....which since I have many many mommy friends, each day is a bad day for another mommy. I'm sending you hugs. Take a breath, remember that bed time ALWAYS comes, and you are SO important in this world. :)


Sunday, November 18, 2012

Happy 8 year Anniversary!!

I'm writing this a day early, but with my busy life, I am not sure if I will have time to write this tomorrow. :)

Happy Anniversary hunny. I am so proud of our marriage. 8 years now!! We have gone through so much together, and I feel as though we have only grown closer with each passing year. We've made beautiful memories, that I will cherish forever.
When I first met you I knew I needed to know you. I was drawn to you, and I still am to this day. I still get butterflies when I see my phone say your name, I still get antsy when I see the clock getting closer to the time you will get home from school.
You've been an incredible husband to me. You've held my hand through some of my most awful experiences. You've stood by my side when I wasn't a very nice person, and you've kissed my lips when I needed it the most. You've given me a shoulder to lean on, cry on, and cuddle with. You've held me up when I felt like I couldn't do it myself. You've pushed me forward and helped me learn so much about life. You've made me think optimistically when I felt so negative. You have changed my life for the better.
You've given me 4 beautiful children, that you are the most amazing daddy to. We have become such an amazing team, over these past 8 years.
Thank you for everything you do for our family. You never give up or become restless. Your love for life and our family is truly inspiring.
I feel blessed to have you by my side in this life of ours, and am proud to be your wife. I love you more and more with each Anniversary we share together. Happy 8 year Anniversary hunny. I'm excited to share many more :)

The day we got married :)

8 years later, and more in love than ever.......

Where did my baby go??

 As a stay at home mom, I am blessed to be here for each and every milestone, all the good times and bad.
 But sometimes' I'm not ready for the milestones my kids make. William is almost 100% potty trained. He is in underwear all day, even when we go out, and has no accidents. He only wears pullups to bed. I wasn't ready for this. I know this will sound completely crazy, but it makes me sad. I know, I can a mother be sad about ditching the diapers?! I'm not sad about that part, I'm just sad that he's growing up so quickly.
 He's my last baby. It hurts sometimes to see him growing so quickly, and I feel as though its going faster with him, than it did with any of my other children.
 William is smart, and wants to be a big kid, just like his bog brother and big sisters. He was completely ready to ditch the diapers when he realized everyone else in the family, uses the potty.
 Mommy on the other hand, wanted to feel like she still has a baby....hence why he is still in the crib :) Something I can control for now....until he decides to climb out :/ He runs, and uses so many words now, he has a sense of humor that keeps us smiling, and simply wants to impress those that love him. He has just about no sign of being a baby anymore.
 As a matter of fact, the only thing that makes me feel as though he has some baby left in him, are the 20 minutes after every nap. Those 20 minutes, the only thing my boy wants, is his blanket, and for mama to rock him. That's it. He's used to it. I've been doing that since he was born and he still loves it :) I do too. Most days I need to be doing something during that time, but I've learned this past year to truly slow down. I enjoy those 20 minutes of sitting with him. I rock him, have quiet conversations with him......always asking "did you have a good nap?" and his response is always the same....a smile and a head nod. Too sleepy still to actually speak :)
 I think as you have more and more children, you learn to enjoy EVERY thing, more and more. You realize that the baby years are so short, and they wont always want to cuddle as much as NOW. You let them do the thing's that will take forever, because it won't always be this way. We wont get to have the opportunity to play cars on the living room floor, when he's 16. He won't want to play hide and seek, and giggle with delight when mommy just "can't find him anywhere", when he is in high school. He will want to do things more independently when he is older. That time happens so quickly. So I am enjoying the small things now. Making the memories, and writing them down so I don't forget them. That happens too...and I'm here to tell you, the more children you have, the more you forget things. I'm only 28 and I forget things that happened 5 years ago. My brain is just so full!
 So my friends....when you are getting frustrated that your baby won't sleep at night, kiss them and remind yourself....this won't last forever. I did that when I was up all night with my babies ;)
 When your child wants to take longer in the store because they want to help put EVERYTHING in the cart, remember that one day they wont want to go to the store with you....LOL, I know that is kind of a dream for us moms right now, but believe will still want them to tag along when they are older, with better things to do with their time. :) So, for now, while my kids are still kids, I am enjoying them. The good, the bad and the not so fun moments....they all will make memories that I will smile back on :)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

You didn't know??

I figured it was time for a fun post. I write so much about my personal life, and most of the time it is about mommy stuff, so I wanted to share some fun facts about myself.

* I hate avocado.Yes this means I hate guacamole.
* I will eat guacamole that is made by family and friends because I don't want to be rude.
*I had surgery on both of my eyes at the age of 4. They had to fix weak muscles in my eyes. I remember it.
*I also had surgery on my kidneys at age 5 I believe. I remember that too. My kindergarten teacher came to my house after I had surgery and she brought me lots of fun activities to do. I loved her! Oh, and when I was in recovery at the hospital it was Halloween and I had to miss out, so lots of famous people came around to the patients and gave out candy and toys. I also remember a tree catching on fire outside of my room. And something crazy....they had me so doped up on morphine after that surgery that I had hallucinations. I remember seeing monkeys in my face, and being so scared. My parents took care of it, and the nurses I'm sure got in trouble because they gave me too much!
*I cannot live without chocolate.
*My heart lives through music. I can relate to so many songs that I HAVE to hear them often. And yes, my kids have to listen to me belt em' out in the car. :)
*"You are my sunshine" is the first song I taught each one of my kids. But I sing it with their name in it. "You are my William, my only William" :)
*Nick and I will be married for 8 years this November.
*I have anxiety, that comes and goes when it pleases. I'm too scared to be on medicine for it....but I probably should be.
*I hate Halloween. I know, how could a mom hate it....:P I just hate how expensive costumes are and all the work, for a couple hours of walking kids that are dragging their costumes and making you hold masks, swords, and buckets!! My kids don't know this :)
*I want to adopt a baby when all of my children are older.....and out of the house lol.
*Every time I speak to/text my father, my anxiety creeps up.
*I did a modeling class when I was about 12. I liked it, but didn't feel like it was me at the time.
*I worry too much. About everything.
*I have had three kids, 3 epidurals and 1 messed up really really bad. It turned my world upside down while I was in pain, and for several months after.
*I love fried eggs on white toast. It must be's just not the same with wheat.
*Sometimes I forget I have my tubes tied.
*I hate scary movies. I don't even let Nick tell me about scary movies he's seen.
*I pray and give thanks every night. I cannot imagine going to sleep without praying. I don't consider myself religious.....but I started praying to God when I had a really hard time getting pregnant with Laura.
*I used to play Halo with Nick, my brother and some friends for hours and hours every night. It was so much fun. We then had Laura, then Katie and my life became too busy and tiring to stay up so late!
*I am not a night person.
*When my alarm goes off in the morning, I get up right away, and it drives me nuts that Nick pushes the snooze on his. lol. ;)
*I put too much pressure on myself.
*I was born in Germany.
*My favorite meal to make is Chilli. It's my moms recipe and it makes me feel like I'm back at home.
*When we moved to Redding, I had a really hard time for a while. It was a lot of change and I missed (still do!!) my family so much.
*I won't let Laura walk home from the bus stop. I am not sure when or if I ever will. Yes, I'm a helicopter parent. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm terrified of her (and all of my kids)being taken.
*I judge mothers who let their children walk around the store with only a diaper. I know its not right....but it's the truth.
*I spend my life being the best mom and wife I can be. I longed for so long to be a mom. I will do everything I can to raise happy, healthy, smart and caring children. BUT it's sometimes overwhelming, and extremely stressful!!!!
*I will not let my kids have a facebook or any type of social network page. It's not worth it.
*I love coffee, and collect coffee mugs.
*Fall is my favorite season.
* I love to bake. My thighs do not like this. ;)
*I hate texting. I do it.....but I HATE it. I hate hearing my phone go off.
*My favorite restaurant is in Arizona. Macayos. YUM!!
*I love reading, and wish I had more time to myself to read more.
*I miss being pregnant all the time. I LOVE having a baby in my belly, and feeling all those kicks. There is nothing like it!
*Sometimes I shop online. I put lots of different things that I love in my shopping cart and then right before I go to bed at night, I remove them all from my cart. LOL!
*I can see fakeness in people, very quickly.
*When I was pregnant with Laura, I listened to Celine Dione all the time.
*When I'm at home, I like to wear my big comfy robe over my clothes. Over pj's or my daily outfits. It's cozy.
*I love buying new candles.
*I have a soft spot in my heart for baby socks.
*When I was pregnant with William I was addicted to buying baby blankets. I already had plenty!!!
*I love wearing cute necklaces, earrings, and bracelets, but I can't wear any other rings, besides my wedding ring.
*I'm terrified of bee's.
* I have to have the fan on, and have a big blanket over me to sleep.
*I LOVE MAKEUP. And in high school was teased that I wore too much makeup. It really hurt my feelings, and sometimes to this day I will ask Nick "am I wearing too much makeup?"
*One of my most favorite things to do, is to get my hair done. I love it.
*I am obsessed with bean dip.
*Christmas is my favorite holiday. I LOVE finding fun things for the kids, filling the stockings, listening to Christmas music, drinking lots of hot chocolate, and watching the kids open gifts early in the morning.
*I listen to Christmas music as soon as November hits and don't stop until far after Christmas has past....around Feruary lol!
*I feel like people stare at me when we go out to eat. I can't be the only one that feels like that, but I really hate it.
* I have a set of grandparents that have never called, emailed, or written to see how their great grandchildren are doing.
*I hate buying jeans. Woman's worst nightmare lol!
*I wear glasses a lot of the time that I'm at home....but when I am out, I usually leave them at home. It became a habit in high school.
* I HATE watching anyone brush their teeth.
*Most mornings I have coffee for breakfast.
*I have used the same brand of foundation (makeup) for about 5 years now. I love it and would cry if they stopped making it! (Revlon colorstay)
*I love watching makeup and hairstyle tutorials on youtube.

So there are some fun facts about me. :) I am sure I will be jotting down more here and there. I swear you can learn a lot about yourself when you write down facts.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Doing so much and feeling like it's not enough.

Do any of you feel that way sometimes? Oh please, I know you do. I CAN'T be the only one. I've been a stay at home mom for almost 10 years now. I seriously can't believe I just said that. Typed it? Whatever. Anyway, 10 years is a LONG time!

Today wasn't a great day for me. I will admit that being a stay at home mom has many challenges. Keeping your sanity is probably number one ;) My life literally revolves around every person in my family. Around their schedules. I feel two ways about this. Frustrated. What about me?! And yet at the same time, I feel blessed. Proud that I am that mom, that is so involved.

Today I was up at 6am (thank you sweet Katie), and immediately got ready, then got the kids ready for school. Dropped off the older two and then took Katie to her dental appointment (who by the way, has perfect teeth....pat on my back.....just one of those mama proud moments) I then took her to walmart to pick up a few things, including Clorox wipes.....where the hell do they all end up going....and a new preschool workbook for my Katie bug, who has become eager to have her own "homework". We ran home quickly, dropped off everything, kissed Nick and the kids goodbye and drove to Lauras school to help out in her class, which I do every Thursday. I was there for a couple hours. I got into my truck to come home and ouch.....bad headache. Great! Yet no surprise being in a room full of first graders! ;)

I came home and Nick had to get to school early so he could study for a couple exams. He's been gone since 1pm. I made lunch, cleaned up lunch, got kids to take a nap, and then just as quickly, had to get them up, so we could get Laura from the bus stop. Did homework, Nicholas came home, had him do his homework, made a big dinner with my little boy, who  all of a sudden has this itch to help mama cook. I don't mind. :) After dinner we played outside (mind you this headache is laughing at me, at the mere thought of it going away any time soon) and then came inside once I felt my head was JUST about to explode. It didn't. hehe. Got my babies in the bath, Laura took her shower and I had Nicholas vacuum for me. Thank god for having a teenager that is capable of helping out. Books were read, teeth brushed, and kisses were given out. My two little ones are in bed while the two older's are still up.

I do all this usually on a day to day basis. When Nick is home, he is the best dad, and does SO of course I LOVE when he is home.

I haven't mentioned the most important things that I must accomplish daily. Raising my kids. I'm not talking about the nose wiping, and the feeding. I'm talking about teaching them how to behave, how to love and share and have manners. How to care for others, and themselves. I mean, you know, the list goes on. Sometimes, at the end of the day I think to myself.....did I do enough? Did I give this child enough love? Did he feel left out? Did I ignore her when she was asking a question about homework, because once again her brother was DYING for my attention at that exact moment? Did I yell when I should have taken a breath and gathered myself? I go through this nightly. And many nights I tell myself "tomorrow is a new day".....I try hard every day to be a great mom. To be involved, loving, a good role model, and somehow fit in a minute to remain myself, Kristin. I forget about me a lot. I type my name sometimes and think wow....I forgot I have a name. You may laugh, but it's true. I am mom, or hunny. I am "help me" and "have you seen?".

There are days that I wonder how I got through. I absolutely adore each one of my children, but I am not perfect. I get angry and frustrated, overwhelmed and irritated. It's been almost 10 years, and I am still learning, each day. Some days I wake up so excited to do my thing. My mommy thing. This was a choice for me. I didn't accidentally become a mother, and a stay at home one at that. Then there are days that I feel like I slept for 20 minutes and I have to do it all again.

The immediate needs are met for every one of my kids. They are fed, clothed, clean, loved, safe, warm and protected. The long term needs are what every mother (and father) really worries about. Are we screwing up our kids if we lose our cool sometimes? Is it mean to tell them "I just don't want to play right now." ??? I can't be "on" all the time. Sometimes I need to sit and blink, without a kid asking for help with getting the hair ties out of barbies hair, or listening to a 10 minute story about the bus ride home.

I love them, and all of their stories......but mama needs a minute, sometimes!

I've found sleep is the cure all. Really. Tonight I will go to sleep and tomorrow I will wake up ready to go at it again. Mommy mode is so much nicer when we are well rested! I'm learning to not second guess myself each night. To know that sometimes kids have to entertain themselves, and its ok to require some time for ourselves.

Each year I am learning new things, about my kids, and myself. It's a hard job......and even when I am doing so much and feeling like its not enough.....I still love it.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Where are the parents??

I've got a bone to pick with a lot of parents.

I can't count how many times I have driven down a busy street, and see 5, 6, 7 year old kids walking home from school. Alone. Am I a helicopter parent, or am I right to feel that at that age and in THIS day, it's a little crazy? I can't imagine letting Laura walk home....from anywhere, except the neighbors lol! Kids now days are taken too often.

I try to think outside of my own little mind.....maybe the parents have to work. Well then why not have a friend or family member pick the kid up? Maybe it's a single parent, or a couple that is new to town? No, I'm sorry, I can't find any reason when a parent would let a child that young walk home alone, and it be ok. I just can't. Call me judgemental, but it's lazy in my opinion.

Today, I went to my son's middle school, and spent two periods sitting in class with him. Not only was I pretty surprised at the way girls dressed, but I was surprised that it seemed OK, to the staff. Where are the parents??? Ok, you have to rush out of the house in the AM, not seeing what your child wears to school, I get it. Why are you allowing those clothing items in your home in the first place? You don't have to fear them wearing them if they aren't in their closets.

I'm NOT saying everyone should raise their children the way I raise mine. Or dress them the way I dress mine. I AM however saying.....why aren't we teaching our daughters to dress with self respect?

It's a shame, to see a 12 year old with short shorts, knee highs, high heels, and a skin tight top.

Moms.....and I am addressing moms, because I honestly feel that women can relate to their daughters better, when it comes to fashion. You can let your daughters have a sense of style, their OWN style, and still have them look age appropriate. How can we let our kids leave the house and not ever think about disgusting men starring at their 12 year olds as they cross the cross walk? It happens. I see it DAILY as I drop my son off at school. I see girls carrying purses, wearing little tops and tie's. It's sad to me. How did our tweens and NEW teens grow up into their 20's so quickly? Why are we allowing it?

I remember being in middle school, and call me a nerd (I probably was) but I still wore Winnie the pooh leggings. No, I'm not making that up. :) I had a wonderful time in middle school, and not an ounce of it was focused on what I wore. I get that kids are "different" now, but they don't have to be.

I certainly understand that Winnie the pooh is out (I still like it though, haha!), and fashion is bigger at this age, but we need to SHOW our tweens, who I need to add are in a crucial point in their lives, that they CAN dress their age, and look cute.

My mom let me pick out whatever I wanted at the long as it wasn't too short, no heals, and nothing too tight. I thought that was fair. She was allowing me to find my own style, yet setting a boundary that I still carry with me today.

Mom's, please take a moment to look at your daughter before sending her to school. She will thank you one day, I promise.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Happy Birthday Nicholas!!!!

Dear Nicholas,

 You are now 13! I seriously cannot believe that you are a teenager now. It has been such a wonderful ride, being your mom. I remember the first time I met you. You were so tiny. So in need of a mom. You could say a few words, but that was pretty much it. I was saddened by this. You were three years old, and so beautiful. Pale skin, and blond hair. You were amazingly sweet, and I could tell, you loved me right away.
 You wasted no time at chose to call me mom very quickly, which I will admit at only 18, that was an adjustment for me. I quit my job, moved in with your dad, and became mom. There was no question to you....I was the apple of your eye, and your were mine too :)
 We spent our days playing in the park, going on adventures through the mall, and just being mom and son. We set out to always have fun and enjoy our time together. I made your lunches, kissed your owies, tucked you in at night, and checked on you when you were fast asleep. You have always known that you didn't grow in my belly, but instead, in my heart. I was young, but I was ready to be your mom. We needed each other.
 You made me a mom, and you taught me so much. Not only about being  a mother, but about being a GREAT mother. I thank you for that. We've been patient with each other for all these years, and learned so much from each other.
 Looking back on all the years I've been your mom, almost 10 now, brings me such joy. I feel like I've raised a pretty great kid. You goof around in school (a little too much), but you mean well. You are so loving, and truly enjoy life to the fullest.
 We've gone through so many adventures together. First days of school, trips across the country, first crushes, first heartbreak's, becoming a big brother, moving to California, and now becoming a teenager. You've grown right before my eyes, and I feel extremely blessed to be able to call you my son.
 I've loved you from the moment I saw you, and I will love you for the rest of my life. I take pride in knowing that you will call me mom, for the rest of your life. I love you son. Thank you for loving me as your mom, and holding my hand through these adventures. Here is to many more wonderful adventures to come!

 Love always,
    Mom <3

Here are some pictures to show you, how much you've grown over the years!!