Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My little unique love.

If I talk to you regularly, you know my daughter Katie is completely different than my other 3 children. She's unique. They all are, yes, but she's EXTRA unique.

She has a way of living her life, almost as if we live in HER world. She has an agenda here on earth, and I'm not yet sure what that is beyond making others smile, and filling my life with joy, but I will figure it out someday.

She is my ONLY child that REQUIRES down time. Alone. She needs time by herself, and will even go as far as to ask me to leave her room so she can play. There was a time that it scared me. What was I doing wrong? Is it ok that my child wants to be alone sometimes? Is there something wrong with her?

Nope. She's perfect. I learned from her teacher (who absolutely adores my child!) that we need all types of people on this Earth. We need people like Katie, to balance everything out.

I'm lucky really. I have 4 kids and they are all exactly opposite of each other. Yet the same. HAHA! You get what I'm saying.

Katie will ignore me, and everyone else in the world when she has had enough of whatever is going on, is embarrassed, is thinking, or just has no desire to please anyone around her. She's real. And I love it. I'm having lots of talks with her about how ignoring people can hurt their feelings. But I catch myself thinking.....maybe she is on to something. Maybe instead of having a meltdown about something, she closes herself off to everyone and in a just taking a deep breath.

What I love most about Katie is she isn't afraid to SAY WHAT SHE WANTS. She's not fake. She will tell you that she wants to be in her pj's with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chips and fruit for lunch, she will say she needs juice or water in a cup with a straw, and she wants her little blanket (a baby blanket she's had since she was born), on the couch with her.

I guess I just love that she KNOWS what she wants. She's not wishy washy, she's not indecisive. She has a clear plan everyday, and she is not afraid to tell you!

Every day I learn more and more from that little girl, and I'm so excited to see what she does with her life. I know it will be something big!  <3

Older and wiser??

I like to think that I gain a lot of new knowledge with each passing year, and use it wisely. The truth is, I learn some things, and sadly, I don't always apply it.

More specifically, I learned about 5 or so year ago to SAY WHAT I MEAN, AND MEAN WHAT I SAY. But sometimes it's super hard to do that.

In our world, is it TRULY ok to tell other's how we really feel? Is it REALLY ok to tell people no? I feel as if it IS ok, but only with certain people. For instance, I can tell Nick ANYTHING. I feel free to tell him when I'm just plain pissed, or when I feel down about myself, or when I feel that he did something to upset me. I however cannot do that with other's.

I know that must be normal. Everyone MUST have "those people" in their lives that they just don't have that "thing" with. You don't feel free to speak your mind, all the time.

I have people in my life that I know exactly where I stand with them. Some people in my life, I can tell, consider me to be a big part of their world. I feel valued by these people. Appreciated. By some other's I feel completely unappreciated and almost.....a nuisance.

Same goes for my kids. I can bring my kids around some people, and yet other's I feel like they just consider them "in the way". I have surrounded myself with my children. And not everyone can understand that. I put them first. If you and I have a conversation and I see my daughter near me needing help, I'm going to completely cut you off to go help her. If my son needs to be held and rocked for a bit and we are on the phone, I'm going to want to hang up. Rude? Not in my opinion.

I feel as if now that I'm 28, I should put good use to what I've learned through the years. Give the people that value me, my children and my husband my attention. The people that show they enjoy every minute with me or watching my kids make a huge mess out of dirt lol! Those are the people I value.

The people that UNDERSTAND my life, and my choices. And even if they don't agree, they still love me. They still love my kids. THAT is what means the most to me.

I get a lot of "advice" on so much. Parenting mostly. From certain people I truly truly appreciate it. They know who they are. From other's though.....I feel like they are in so many words telling me "you are doing it wrong". "I did, or can do it better". "You are not his MOTHER". Yep.....

Most of the time I don't read into things. Nick has taught me to take everything with a grain of salt.....but sometimes I'm weak, and can't help but read into things people say.

My point here is that I have made a choice recently to surround myself with people who HONESTLY care. Who have made effort to be a part of my life. I don't have time for anyone that isn't truly interested in my life and my family. Period.

So here I am....all these years later reminding myself to be me. To be real to myself, and to remember that it's ok to say what I mean, and mean what I say.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Thankful for each day.

We all go through times in our lives where we kinda need to be reminded to be thankful for everything. To be thankful that we have a home, even if you want a nicer one, to be thankful for the clothes you have, even if you like the ones on pinterest more, to be thankful that you have a house full of happy energetic kids, who sometimes don't listen, instead of being single and kid free.

Nick and I went on our trip to Arizona in February for a couple days, when we came home William was immediately attached to me. Almost as if he felt like I might go away again, so he needed to hold on to me at all times. The first week back I felt a little overwhelmed with all the kids wanting my attention and then having my little William at my leg, begging me to hold him. Let me remind you he is not a baby anymore.....he weighs a lot!

He said "hold me PLEASE!".....and it hit me. Oh my gosh.....he's growing up so fast, and is speaking in sentences! Soon he won't want to stop his busy life, to hug mama. So I scooped up my baby, and I've been holding him ever since. :) Day after day (for 3 weeks now) I've heard "hold me please" from my sweet boy. I've obliged each time. How can I not?

William has taught me so so so much. Mostly, to enjoy each moment. When he had pneumonia at 19 days old, and was in the hospital for a few days.....I was literally going crazy. I was SO not the mom that was cool, calm and collected. No. I was a wreck. I remember feeling angry that I was dealing with all of that. And then I saw some of the other kids in the hospital.....and I came back down to earth. It takes one small moment in life, to smack you in the face and say hey.....what you are dealing with isn't so bad! Put a damn smile on your face, and enjoy each moment no matter what.

Yes, my son was ill, and he was so tiny, but I knew he would be ok. He was being helped and I knew I could take him home after a couple of days. Not all the parents there were able to take their kids home so quickly. Insert reality smack in the face here!

My 4 kids keep my on my toes all day, our days are certainly not boring or dull. There is something ALWAYS going on. Before I went on my trip I felt like I needed a break so badly. Being a stay at home mom is a lot of work, it's hard. I'm not just here doing whatever I want, while the kids stare at a tv, or play alone. No. I'm a hands on mom. I'm interacting with my kids, playing with them, helping them learn, making things, baking together, talking about everything, reading to them, teaching them life lessons, showing them how to be kind and loving. Watching them climb trees, going on walks, giving out high fives and hugs and kisses. I'm doing my job as their mother. Being a true, GOOD parent, is hard work.

I'm thankful for each day though. The days that feel like they go on forever, the days that feel like we all woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the days that the kids just can't seem to get along, and the days that all 4 of my kids need more of me than I can give. I'm thankful for it all. Because they won't be kids forever, and one day (sooner than I'm sure we all think) I will MISS these busy days.

I have healthy kids that are happy, and KIND. They are growing into these amazing little PEOPLE. They have their own opinions and thoughts. I see them showing love to others and I'm proud. I'm doing my job right. When they fight and I see Katie say "ok calm down, you can have the first turn", is why I'm shows me that through everything I do, all the hard kids are learning.

I think more people need to remember that your life can be different tomorrow. SO much can change in the blink of an eye. I don't want to look back and feel like I didn't enjoy it all enough. Or that I could have been a better mom, or done more with my kids. So I'm enjoying every step of the way, and being thankful for each day. The good, the bad and the ugly.