Monday, August 25, 2014

Overwhemled = Just another side effect of having kids.

Do you ever wonder how well other people really "have it all together"? I do. Sometimes I am at the store and see other parents walk around the store so effortlessly with quiet kids, NO LIST, and a cart full of healthy foods. HOW?!

I feel frazzled and overwhelmed many of my days, and then I do other people think of me? Do I come off as overwhelmed as I feel? Hmm.. I guess it wouldn't be a bad thing. I mean, if you have kids I would bet just about anything that you've felt overwhelmed and at your wits end, at some point. If not.....teach me!

I love my kids and seriously have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I do love it. But there is and probably always will be a part of me that feels....flustered. Overwhelmed. Tired. Oh so tired.

What makes things worse is when you have had your kids at school all day, and they come home and fight, argue, whine. You name it. They are tired....I totally get it. They need to kind of unload all of what has been bottled up all day. Believe me....I GET IT. I can't help but immediately feeling frustrated, and then I begin the bedtime countdown. :/

Sigh.....I guess we all have these days. It feels like the day has already been long, and you are so over the day to day stuff, but kids don't care. They aren't really supposed to, so I can't blame them. But I'd do anything for one completely easy, calm, quiet, day.

I guess being overwhelmed is just one more "side effect" of having kids, just like being completely ready for bed by 8pm!

If you are having a rough day too, then I am sending you my biggest hugs, and an understanding smile.

Here's to tomorrow being amazing, stress free and just a little more quiet than today.


Thursday, August 21, 2014

First day of the rest of my life.....

I am just going to jump right into this, simply because my thoughts are everywhere and I can't think of a witty way to start this one off.

First off, I've been MIA in the blog world for a bit. I've been dealing with my anxiety again....I know...its ridiculous. I hate it, and it is so over staying its welcome in my little life. But its something I've been dealing with for years, so really its nothing new. It's just deciding to affect my body now, so that's not cool.

It's been hard to think of a new blog to write. I had this goal of writing a new one each week and I totally was overwhelmed so I just didn't write at all. Don't worry though....I'm going to have more time to write, more time to think and more time to find myself. Why??

Because the kids are back in school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh.....that summer was long. My kids are great, but they aren't different from any other kids...they fight, they have attitudes, they get on my nerves and I'm sure I do the same to them.

So finally school has started which leads to an abundance of anxiety for this girl. :/ Can't I just worry a bit like a normal mom and not feel like my head is about to explode with worry? I'm waiting for the day!

Nicholas started 9th grade this year. Yea....I'm 29 and have a high schooler. Weird!!!
Laura started 3rd grade, Katie started 1st and William started preschool.

The older kids had an amazing first day of school. The girls have lots of friends in their classes, which makes me happy, and they even get to sit with each other for a bit during lunch. Laura is such a great big sister, always looking out for Katie. :)

Nicholas is in an entirely new world now. Only a few of his friends are going to the same high school, so he is kind of being forced to make new friends. As much as I know how hard that is to do....I'm really happy about it. He needs to start this school year with a clean slate, and I think it's going to benefit him greatly.

William's first day of preschool was today. He's actually there right now as I type this. I can't explain how scary this is for me. It's a weird feeling to be without my kids when they are so young. William is only 3 years old. He will be 4 in December. But I like to make my kids do 2 years of preschool, so they are more socialized and can get the hang of what school is all about. My older kids have all done it and they've all really enjoyed having those 2 years to kind of get ahead.

I on the other hand worry about my youngest. He's such a sweet boy, but he's never been away from me or his family. If he has been babysat, it's only been by family, so this is new for the both of us. I know he will be ok. Deep down I KNOW that things will be fine, but I can't help but look at my phone every 5 minutes to see if I missed a call from the school. I am worried that he will be scared, or that he is thinking that I'm not coming back for him. I'm worried about the stupid stuff too, like if he is thirsty, will he remember where the water is? Will he be too scared to get a drink or to go to the bathroom?

Anxiety......go the hell away now!!

I know, I sound like a lunatic.....but I just worry.

It was hard to say goodbye to him this morning. This is the very last time I will be putting a child of mine in school for their very first day of school. What made it even harder, was that he was totally ok with it. He just wanted to play with the toys, and even though he gave me the sweetest hug and kiss.....he just wanted me to leave.

I figured it would be hard on me. It is, but I have to add here that I am thrilled. I have had children as my shadow all day every day since I was 18 years old. 11 years of nonstop mom mode. I love it, don't get me wrong....but I'd be a damn liar if I didn't tell you how completely excited I am to have 3 hours to myself each day. I can workout, without stopping every 10 minutes to break up fights. I can get this house clean, go to the store ALONE!? I can't tell you how long I've waited for, yet dreaded this day!! ;)

I'm hoping for a great year for all of my kids. I'm hoping they have fun and learn a lot, make new friends and grow independently.

I know I will be doing the same :)