Where is the off button!?

I'm not sure if I'm getting old, if I'm losing patience, or if I've just been a mom for so long now, that I literally have prayed for an off button for my kids.

I love them, you know I do....but an off button would really make this shit a lot easier. 

Bedtime is a damn life saver. Could you imagine if they never....ever slept!? Ahh!!! I know I know.....stop thinking about it...it's terrifying. 

There is that time right after school, between 2:30 and 4pm when all hell breaks loose. They've been perfect little students all day. Sweet, well mannered, rule abiding students for 6 hours. God forbid they come home and be just as sweet for 5 minutes longer. 

Nope...it can't happen. They've held in their evil far too long. So I get the brunt of their said evil. 

This is when an off button...or shit...pause for that matter....would be real damn swell. 

I made these little people though, so I'll keep them....but you bet you sweet bippy I'm going to be rich and famous one day for inventing an off, pause or MUTE button for children.

Thank me later! ;)

<3

9 months......

Well hello....we meet again. 

It's been 9 months since the last blog I wrote was published. 9 months ago I said I'd be more active with my writing. I'm shocked that it's been 9 months. I really had to look at the publish date several times and thought, wow...I really procrastinated! 

On a serious note....a lot has happened in the past 9 months, and I was really not in the mood to write. In a writing funk if you will. 

My oldest son who just turned 17, moved in with my in laws last November. I thought long and hard about even talking about it on here, but I came to realize that there is absolutely no way that I'm the only parent who goes through extremely hard, soul shaking times with one of her kids. 

I've been through a lot with my kiddos, but this move was especially life changing. I couldn't see any way to write about this and spin it into a positive. There was no positive in those first few months for me. 

I woke up and went to sleep feeling like a failure. Day in and day out I thought to myself...what did I do wrong? But finally.....2 months ago I had a realization that I wish I could have had a long time ago. 

I did nothing wrong. Nobody did. Period. I have to make choices for myself and my youngest children. My 17 year old has to make choices for himself.....whether I agree with them or not...he's going to make them. 

I finally backed off. I didn't want to. He's my son...he's my boy. How do you just "back off". Well....you just do. Sometimes kids have to fall on their own. Sometimes kids have to figure stuff out on their own. 

As hard as it was....as many people told me to...I needed to come to that point on my own and just say I've had enough. 

Sadly he has moved out of my in laws home, for separate but similar issues and is now living down the street with his mother. I know....I know......I'm sure many of you reading that sentence now have their jaws on the floor. Pick them up my friends. You read it right. To be honest and frank.....he needs to be there. 

We are all trying to figure out this new chapter, it'll be interesting and a learning experience for sure, but we will do it!

I'll leave you all with that for now. I have so much more to dive into, so please stay tuned and please.....forgive me for these next couple blogs....what kind of blogger writes on their cell phone!? This one....for now ha!! 

Til next time.

<3

Umm...hello...are you still there?

I can't believe I'm going to admit this.....but it's been almost a year and a half since my last blog. :/

All I can say is life happened. Kids, family, friends...life has been going so fast that any time I even thought about writing again, the moment would pass just as fast as it had come to me.

I looked back at my last few posts and I laughed and felt kind of sad for the year and a half ago me. I was going through a lot then....I guess I still am now, but there is a difference.

The past 2 years have actually been so good for me as a person, as a mom, a wife, a friend. I've spent more time around family, and friends who have become more like family, and it's really put me in a place in my life where I feel good.

My friends have not only really been here for me, but they have taught me something so extremely valuable. To have a back bone. I'm 31 years old and have recently learned that my opinion matters. If I don't like something its absolutely ok for me to speak up.

Of course my anxiety is a daily struggle, but not like it was a while ago. It's there, it will always be there, but I'm able to keep it at bay more and remind myself that I can't control MOST things, and it's ok.

Honestly since spending more time with friends, my anxiety seems to be better than its been in a really long time. Knowing I have some close people to vent to, has helped more than ever.

Having fun get togethers has been a pretty big theme of the past couple years, and I wouldn't change it. My kids aren't babies anymore, so now I'm not just MOM. I'm Kristin. I've found a way to still be here for my kiddos and husband, and still find time to be a friend. For me, it's been what I needed for a long time.

So all in all things are good here. I've been super distracted from the blog world, but I'm back. I can't promise just yet, how often I will write. I have so much to write about, but they are all such different topics ha! I guess that means more blogs right?!

For now I will leave you with something I've learned this past year.....

No matter where you are, who you surround yourself with, and what you are doing....remember the MOST important thing is to love yourself. Nobody can help you with that. If you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.

See you all soon

<3