Thursday, October 11, 2012

Doing so much and feeling like it's not enough.

Do any of you feel that way sometimes? Oh please, I know you do. I CAN'T be the only one. I've been a stay at home mom for almost 10 years now. I seriously can't believe I just said that. Typed it? Whatever. Anyway, 10 years is a LONG time!

Today wasn't a great day for me. I will admit that being a stay at home mom has many challenges. Keeping your sanity is probably number one ;) My life literally revolves around every person in my family. Around their schedules. I feel two ways about this. Frustrated. What about me?! And yet at the same time, I feel blessed. Proud that I am that mom, that is so involved.

Today I was up at 6am (thank you sweet Katie), and immediately got ready, then got the kids ready for school. Dropped off the older two and then took Katie to her dental appointment (who by the way, has perfect teeth....pat on my back.....just one of those mama proud moments) I then took her to walmart to pick up a few things, including Clorox wipes.....where the hell do they all end up going....and a new preschool workbook for my Katie bug, who has become eager to have her own "homework". We ran home quickly, dropped off everything, kissed Nick and the kids goodbye and drove to Lauras school to help out in her class, which I do every Thursday. I was there for a couple hours. I got into my truck to come home and ouch.....bad headache. Great! Yet no surprise being in a room full of first graders! ;)

I came home and Nick had to get to school early so he could study for a couple exams. He's been gone since 1pm. I made lunch, cleaned up lunch, got kids to take a nap, and then just as quickly, had to get them up, so we could get Laura from the bus stop. Did homework, Nicholas came home, had him do his homework, made a big dinner with my little boy, who  all of a sudden has this itch to help mama cook. I don't mind. :) After dinner we played outside (mind you this headache is laughing at me, at the mere thought of it going away any time soon) and then came inside once I felt my head was JUST about to explode. It didn't. hehe. Got my babies in the bath, Laura took her shower and I had Nicholas vacuum for me. Thank god for having a teenager that is capable of helping out. Books were read, teeth brushed, and kisses were given out. My two little ones are in bed while the two older's are still up.

I do all this usually on a day to day basis. When Nick is home, he is the best dad, and does SO of course I LOVE when he is home.

I haven't mentioned the most important things that I must accomplish daily. Raising my kids. I'm not talking about the nose wiping, and the feeding. I'm talking about teaching them how to behave, how to love and share and have manners. How to care for others, and themselves. I mean, you know, the list goes on. Sometimes, at the end of the day I think to myself.....did I do enough? Did I give this child enough love? Did he feel left out? Did I ignore her when she was asking a question about homework, because once again her brother was DYING for my attention at that exact moment? Did I yell when I should have taken a breath and gathered myself? I go through this nightly. And many nights I tell myself "tomorrow is a new day".....I try hard every day to be a great mom. To be involved, loving, a good role model, and somehow fit in a minute to remain myself, Kristin. I forget about me a lot. I type my name sometimes and think wow....I forgot I have a name. You may laugh, but it's true. I am mom, or hunny. I am "help me" and "have you seen?".

There are days that I wonder how I got through. I absolutely adore each one of my children, but I am not perfect. I get angry and frustrated, overwhelmed and irritated. It's been almost 10 years, and I am still learning, each day. Some days I wake up so excited to do my thing. My mommy thing. This was a choice for me. I didn't accidentally become a mother, and a stay at home one at that. Then there are days that I feel like I slept for 20 minutes and I have to do it all again.

The immediate needs are met for every one of my kids. They are fed, clothed, clean, loved, safe, warm and protected. The long term needs are what every mother (and father) really worries about. Are we screwing up our kids if we lose our cool sometimes? Is it mean to tell them "I just don't want to play right now." ??? I can't be "on" all the time. Sometimes I need to sit and blink, without a kid asking for help with getting the hair ties out of barbies hair, or listening to a 10 minute story about the bus ride home.

I love them, and all of their stories......but mama needs a minute, sometimes!

I've found sleep is the cure all. Really. Tonight I will go to sleep and tomorrow I will wake up ready to go at it again. Mommy mode is so much nicer when we are well rested! I'm learning to not second guess myself each night. To know that sometimes kids have to entertain themselves, and its ok to require some time for ourselves.

Each year I am learning new things, about my kids, and myself. It's a hard job......and even when I am doing so much and feeling like its not enough.....I still love it.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Where are the parents??

I've got a bone to pick with a lot of parents.

I can't count how many times I have driven down a busy street, and see 5, 6, 7 year old kids walking home from school. Alone. Am I a helicopter parent, or am I right to feel that at that age and in THIS day, it's a little crazy? I can't imagine letting Laura walk home....from anywhere, except the neighbors lol! Kids now days are taken too often.

I try to think outside of my own little mind.....maybe the parents have to work. Well then why not have a friend or family member pick the kid up? Maybe it's a single parent, or a couple that is new to town? No, I'm sorry, I can't find any reason when a parent would let a child that young walk home alone, and it be ok. I just can't. Call me judgemental, but it's lazy in my opinion.

Today, I went to my son's middle school, and spent two periods sitting in class with him. Not only was I pretty surprised at the way girls dressed, but I was surprised that it seemed OK, to the staff. Where are the parents??? Ok, you have to rush out of the house in the AM, not seeing what your child wears to school, I get it. Why are you allowing those clothing items in your home in the first place? You don't have to fear them wearing them if they aren't in their closets.

I'm NOT saying everyone should raise their children the way I raise mine. Or dress them the way I dress mine. I AM however saying.....why aren't we teaching our daughters to dress with self respect?

It's a shame, to see a 12 year old with short shorts, knee highs, high heels, and a skin tight top.

Moms.....and I am addressing moms, because I honestly feel that women can relate to their daughters better, when it comes to fashion. You can let your daughters have a sense of style, their OWN style, and still have them look age appropriate. How can we let our kids leave the house and not ever think about disgusting men starring at their 12 year olds as they cross the cross walk? It happens. I see it DAILY as I drop my son off at school. I see girls carrying purses, wearing little tops and tie's. It's sad to me. How did our tweens and NEW teens grow up into their 20's so quickly? Why are we allowing it?

I remember being in middle school, and call me a nerd (I probably was) but I still wore Winnie the pooh leggings. No, I'm not making that up. :) I had a wonderful time in middle school, and not an ounce of it was focused on what I wore. I get that kids are "different" now, but they don't have to be.

I certainly understand that Winnie the pooh is out (I still like it though, haha!), and fashion is bigger at this age, but we need to SHOW our tweens, who I need to add are in a crucial point in their lives, that they CAN dress their age, and look cute.

My mom let me pick out whatever I wanted at the long as it wasn't too short, no heals, and nothing too tight. I thought that was fair. She was allowing me to find my own style, yet setting a boundary that I still carry with me today.

Mom's, please take a moment to look at your daughter before sending her to school. She will thank you one day, I promise.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Happy Birthday Nicholas!!!!

Dear Nicholas,

 You are now 13! I seriously cannot believe that you are a teenager now. It has been such a wonderful ride, being your mom. I remember the first time I met you. You were so tiny. So in need of a mom. You could say a few words, but that was pretty much it. I was saddened by this. You were three years old, and so beautiful. Pale skin, and blond hair. You were amazingly sweet, and I could tell, you loved me right away.
 You wasted no time at chose to call me mom very quickly, which I will admit at only 18, that was an adjustment for me. I quit my job, moved in with your dad, and became mom. There was no question to you....I was the apple of your eye, and your were mine too :)
 We spent our days playing in the park, going on adventures through the mall, and just being mom and son. We set out to always have fun and enjoy our time together. I made your lunches, kissed your owies, tucked you in at night, and checked on you when you were fast asleep. You have always known that you didn't grow in my belly, but instead, in my heart. I was young, but I was ready to be your mom. We needed each other.
 You made me a mom, and you taught me so much. Not only about being  a mother, but about being a GREAT mother. I thank you for that. We've been patient with each other for all these years, and learned so much from each other.
 Looking back on all the years I've been your mom, almost 10 now, brings me such joy. I feel like I've raised a pretty great kid. You goof around in school (a little too much), but you mean well. You are so loving, and truly enjoy life to the fullest.
 We've gone through so many adventures together. First days of school, trips across the country, first crushes, first heartbreak's, becoming a big brother, moving to California, and now becoming a teenager. You've grown right before my eyes, and I feel extremely blessed to be able to call you my son.
 I've loved you from the moment I saw you, and I will love you for the rest of my life. I take pride in knowing that you will call me mom, for the rest of your life. I love you son. Thank you for loving me as your mom, and holding my hand through these adventures. Here is to many more wonderful adventures to come!

 Love always,
    Mom <3

Here are some pictures to show you, how much you've grown over the years!!