Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Rest In Peace Gpa.

 It's been a while since I've let myself sit down and write. Some times I think "oh my gosh, I need to write about this!", or "wow I KNOW my mama blog followers would love to read about this".....but I've been in a funk.
 We are all doing well, keeping very busy and excited about the holidays. We as a family have been a little.....upside down lately. Does that make sense?
 Nick and I are bickering a bit, the kids are driving us and each other bonkers. And I know why. We are all just dealing with some saddness.
 Recently Nick's grandpa, though I refer to him as my grandpa.....past away. It was not too unexpected, as he was not doing so well the last few months of his life. It hit us hard when we heard the news though. How do you tell your children that their great grandpa....a man that they have spent a lot of time and laughs with, has gone to heaven? Slowly, that's how. Slowly, age appropriate and calmly.
 Laura out of all of our children took it the hardest. She is already a more emotional child and very in tune with feelings. She cried immediately and even now has a hard time talking about it. Yesterday I mentioned something about her gpa and she said "I don't want to talk about that right now mom". It broke my heart. I'm her mom, shouldn't she want to tell me everything she is feeling?? Well the answer is no. Not always. Sometimes we (yes even children) don't want to talk about something that is upsetting to us. It's normal and I understood how she felt. I made sure that she (as well as the rest of the children) know that we are always open to talking about gpa and where he is now and if they have any questions, or if they just need a good hug, that we are here for them. Always.
 I know Nick is saddened by the passing of his grandpa. I can see it, even if he won't talk about it much. Again, he knows I'm here for him. He became pretty close to his grandpa since we moved here. Lots of talk about cars .... you know.... men things lol! They would joke back and forth and just have a good grandfather/grandson relationship. I know Nick is struggling right now. He is sad that we couldn't visit gpa much in his last few months. I know that gpa understands, I just need to have Nick realize that gpa is smiling down on us and thankful for all the visits we did have with him.
 I am sad too and sometimes as a mom, that gets pushed to the side. I have to worry about how my kids and husband are feeling. If they need a hug or a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes I want a shoulder to lean on too. I know he wasn't MY gpa.....but I considered him so. He was always so welcoming to me, big hugs and kisses and loved talking with me. In his last few months I would go visit him and he trusted me enough to let me feed him when he couldn't feed himself. He would hold my hand and just stare back at me, as if he was telling me an entire story of his own day with his eyes. I'd tell him how the kids are, and whats new in our life. Just anything to bring him comfort. I really appreciated how he let me be there for him. Nick and I would go visit him just the two of us sometimes.....I was very eager to see him and bring him a goody.....chocolate chip cookies, ice cream.....you name it! ;) I know he loved that! I always hated leaving....Nick knows this. I told him often.
 I know....we all know, that gpa is up above smiling down on us. I know he is happy that we got a special angel ornament for our Christmas tree, in honor of him. Our kids love it, and we do too.
 It's amazing how much love he showed our family. We always felt welcome, and loved. I hope he knows just how much we all love him as well.
So gpa.....this one is for you. :) We love you, and little Laura is so happy that you took her favorite book to heaven with you :) Rest in peace.

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