Sometimes I wonder what other people think of my life. If when I'm at the store alone, do people have any idea that I have a full house, and I'm stressed beyond belief? I wonder if my friends think I have it easy, because I don't have to clock in at work, or if they think I got the short end of the stick because my usual conversations are with kids and not adults?
We will never really know what others think, and truly does it matter? No, it does not. I've heard before "It is none of your business, what other people think of you." And its true.
We all get down on ourselves sometimes. We feel like maybe we don't have the best clothes, or the nicest house. Our lives aren't as exciting as the people who post about their lives on facebook. Our kids are on their 5th tantrum and its only 10am, while we see our friends posting pictures of happily playing siblings.
I was this person today. Bummed about....everything. I won't bore you all with the list I felt I needed to whine about today, but just know I reached my limit of stress, and emotion. I sighed more than I thought possible, but it was best....for everyone :)
I put my kids to bed, kissed their amazingly soft foreheads and told them how lucky I am to be their mama. I told Katie the story of when she was born and how wonderful she has made our lives. She has been needing some extra attention lately, so it was nice to see her eyes light up, and hear her recite the story that she has so proudly listened to for 4 years.
After all 4 of my kids were in bed, beautifully sleeping, I plopped down on the couch and let out a deep sigh. Did today really happen? It wasn't even that bad, yet I felt really low. I remember saying "is this a joke?" several times. Time after time, random SMALL things would happen, and I just felt like each thing piled up on my shoulders and I was being weighed down.
So what did I do? I got my laptop out and buried myself in reading other peoples blogs. I wholeheartedly enjoy reading other moms blogs. It makes me feel normal! I laugh and cry while reading the exact words I could have posted about my day. I nod my head, and curl up with my coffee, smiling knowing I am not alone.
Tonight I read a specific blog that I had never come across before and it shook me. I read about a lady that has 3 kids and she was writing all of their birth stories. It took me back to those days for me. Those days that I met all of my babies and fell deeply in love with them. I felt empowered after giving birth and so protective. I still feel that way.....more now than ever before.
I needed to be reminded tonight. That it is all for a purpose. I chose to be a stay at home mom.....but some days I feel unappreciated and overwhelmed. I'm human. It brought me back down to earth and gave me a big virtual hug when I desperately needed it. I'm not alone in the crazy world of sticky fingerprints on my walls, 2 year old temper tantrums and the same old routine.
Tonight I am going to bed relieved, in a way. I'm remembering that my little loves will wake up tomorrow ready for another happy day. Ready for mommy to smile back at them and to fill their ears with more loving stories. I'm remembering how lucky I am to have this beautiful life. And more importantly, the amazing people in it.
Tonight I'm going to bed reminding myself.....it's not all that bad :)