I have seen it time and time again, and I'm so sick of it. I'm talking about parents that DON'T participate!
Parents at the park, sitting the entire time letting their 3, 4, and 5 year olds run wherever they want, not caring if they are out of their sight.
Parent's at school dances, sitting the entire time, watching all the other children and a handful of parents dance too.
Parent's that take their 3 and 4 year olds to a "parent participation" gymnastics class, sitting the entire time.
Now, before I get a bunch of people messaging me about each topic, lets go over each of these shall we?
First, when you take your child to the park, I know you want to see them around other children, playing and learning how to just BE around other kids. I get it. But there is a fine line......ok no, make that a huge chalky line, between "letting your kids play with others", and sitting on your bum, looking at your phone the entire time. When your child is playing with another child, you need to be only a few feet away. Enough to where both children feel "alone", but enough to hear every word that is said. You need to be close enough to stop anything that you might not like. Period. I see some of you moms out there sitting on the bench, texting or talking on the phone most of the time. I am annoyed with you and you know what.......so is your kid. When your son or daughter walks around parent less (and need I remind you, free for anyone to scoop up and take home??? UH SCARY!) he or she is seeing other moms and dads actually PLAY with their children. Believe me, it will upset them. So do us all a favor, but most of all your child. Stay near them, not only for safety, but so your child feels like you have their back. Play. It's simple. I know.....you are exhausted, and just want them to run out all of their energy, I get it. I'm tired too. Our children are our top priorities right? Well, that means you play with them. End of story.
Next, parents that go to school.....no....FAMILY dances at school and sit. WHY?! I know it's not always extremely fun to stand up in front of all the other judgemental moms and dads, and dance to every single Justin Beiber song, but it's important to your kid. Yep, even those kindergartners that run around dancing silly with their friends. You think "they are fine without me dancing with them". Wrong, when they see the other moms and dads dancing, they most certainly do not think that. Get up for your kid, make a fool out of yourself and have fun. It's about making our kids smile, and their HEARTS smile. Period. It's not about what you think others will think. I mean at this point in life, does that really matter? Absolutely not. It matters what our KIDS think.
And last but not least.....parents taking their kids to "parent participation" gymnastics classes, and never participating. I saw this happen today at Katie's first gymnastics class. I have a few problems with this. One....when you sign your kid up, they TELL you that its parent participation.....so be prepared to participate. That means getting up out of that comfy metal chair, and running, laughing, skipping, and CLAPPING for your kid. Not only did I see parents sit and watch their own kids cut in line, not listen to the instructor, and be terrors, but I saw parents that never once said "good job sweetie!", "wow look at how awesome you can skip".......nothing. Why???? If your child is shy and not wanting to join in the class activity, like skipping in a circle, don't continue to try to push them into the circle of children skipping wildly. Grab their hand, and say "lets try this together, it will be fun". I can't imagine sitting at the corner of a mat, making my kid feel bad about being shy. JOIN IN PARENTS!
What this all boils down to is two things in my opinion. Laziness, and low self confidence. I'm sure there are other reasons, but these two are always always always the ones I think of when I see these parents. Moms and Dads, I'm exhausted.....taking care of kids all day, cleaning, taking kids to and from school, meals, laundry, nap times, entertaining, errands.....we all know the list is never ending. I don't make that an excuse though. I get my ass up and do it for my kid. I play with them at the park, when I am exhausted and having awful allergies. I dance my toosh off at school dances, and I trot like nobody's business in gymnastics classes. Why? For my KIDS. I want them to see that I love them and want to do this for them. I want them to be outgoing and proud of who they are. I want them to be who they are and not be afraid to show it.
We are who are children learn SO much from. So, please, parents......stop this nonsense, and just get up. Your children will never be disappointed that you participated :)
Friday, March 16, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Gymnastics, bottles and tantrums....OH MY!!!
Phew, so much to talk about with so little time. Life seems to always be like that.....especially when you become a parent!
First thing is first....William is officially off of bottles!!!! It's so bittersweet for me. On one hand I'm thinking, yay no more cleaning bottles!!! But on the other hand I'm thinking, oh my gosh....my little baby is not a little baby anymore!!!. I wanted to ditch the bottles when he turned one, but I couldn't do it. I felt too bad. He hasn't had a day time bottle in months, but he has always had a bottle right before bed. I rock him, he smiles and drinks himself into a milk daze. I's so relaxing to me.....and him. I enjoy sitting in my fluffy recliner, rocking away, starring at his beautiful face. I am shocked each night when I see how long he stretches across my lap!!
So, no more baba's for my baby. He did great, and I know there won't be any problems. He is the best when it comes to change.
Next......GYMNASTICS!!! Nick and I signed the girls up for gymnastics. Katie starts this Friday, and will go every Friday from 3:45pm to 4:30pm. Hers is for 3 and 4 year olds, just a fun thing for them. Laura goes every Wednesday, from 4pm to 5pm. Hers is a more serious gymnastics class, so I am hoping she really gets into this and takes off from there.
I mainly wanted to sign Laura up so she has something for herself. She is 6 now and I can see she is really trying to figure out who she is, where she fits and how far she can go. So, signing her up for gymnastics was a no brainer for me. I was lucky to find a gymnastics class that offers great classes for a great price. I know from experience how hard it is to find a place that offers GOOD classes at a NORMAL price. I will keep you all updated on how she does!! Both girls are thrilled and feeling even more excited since I got them new leotards!!!
Tantrums.......I've been seeing less of those from Laura the past few days. This makes me smile. Yet, I've been seeing more of them from WILLIAM!!!! My little man has found his voice and is letting everyone in my neighborhood know it!!! These poor people that live next to us must think this house is full of animals or something lol!! William was mad that he wasn't allowed to climb onto Laura's bed yesterday, so he threw a crying fit for TWENTY minutes. I ignored him, he stopped, life went on. He's learning that crying doesn't automatically get him what he wants. But his sweet kisses just might!! ;)
So here at the Long home, we are as busy as ever.....and soon will become even more busy with gymnastics starting!!!
First thing is first....William is officially off of bottles!!!! It's so bittersweet for me. On one hand I'm thinking, yay no more cleaning bottles!!! But on the other hand I'm thinking, oh my gosh....my little baby is not a little baby anymore!!!. I wanted to ditch the bottles when he turned one, but I couldn't do it. I felt too bad. He hasn't had a day time bottle in months, but he has always had a bottle right before bed. I rock him, he smiles and drinks himself into a milk daze. I's so relaxing to me.....and him. I enjoy sitting in my fluffy recliner, rocking away, starring at his beautiful face. I am shocked each night when I see how long he stretches across my lap!!
So, no more baba's for my baby. He did great, and I know there won't be any problems. He is the best when it comes to change.
Next......GYMNASTICS!!! Nick and I signed the girls up for gymnastics. Katie starts this Friday, and will go every Friday from 3:45pm to 4:30pm. Hers is for 3 and 4 year olds, just a fun thing for them. Laura goes every Wednesday, from 4pm to 5pm. Hers is a more serious gymnastics class, so I am hoping she really gets into this and takes off from there.
I mainly wanted to sign Laura up so she has something for herself. She is 6 now and I can see she is really trying to figure out who she is, where she fits and how far she can go. So, signing her up for gymnastics was a no brainer for me. I was lucky to find a gymnastics class that offers great classes for a great price. I know from experience how hard it is to find a place that offers GOOD classes at a NORMAL price. I will keep you all updated on how she does!! Both girls are thrilled and feeling even more excited since I got them new leotards!!!
Tantrums.......I've been seeing less of those from Laura the past few days. This makes me smile. Yet, I've been seeing more of them from WILLIAM!!!! My little man has found his voice and is letting everyone in my neighborhood know it!!! These poor people that live next to us must think this house is full of animals or something lol!! William was mad that he wasn't allowed to climb onto Laura's bed yesterday, so he threw a crying fit for TWENTY minutes. I ignored him, he stopped, life went on. He's learning that crying doesn't automatically get him what he wants. But his sweet kisses just might!! ;)
So here at the Long home, we are as busy as ever.....and soon will become even more busy with gymnastics starting!!!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Laura and the sassy 6's!!
Laura is 6 years old now and the past month or so has been going through this phase (I call it a phase in the hopes that it will STOP soon!) where she seems to complain about EVERYTHING. Sigh.....I'm sick of it.
I almost want to stop her mid complaint and say "I don't want to hear this!", but I don't because I think "how awful would I feel if my mom said that to me?!"......did I complain THIS much when I was a kid?
Not only complaining, but arguing. Here is a conversation we recently had....
Me: Laura you need to go put on some warm clothes, it's a little chilly outside.
Laura: But I want to wear THIS.
Me: It wasn't a question....I was telling you to go put on warmer clothes. You may choose which warm clothes to wear, but you may not choose whether you do it or not.
Laura: I'm not doing it. (arms folded, pout face in full swing)
Me: Go put on warm clothes, or you can lay in your bed until you decide to listen.
Laura: FINE!!!!
Some times I will say "timeout for yelling at me" or "timeout for being disrespectful", and sometimes I plain old ignore it. It's true what they say.....pick your battles. My kids being outside in summer clothes when its winter is not going to happen. So, I let them wear whatever their little hearts desire, as long as its warm. It can completely not match....I don't care. Sometimes this works well for me. I win and they THINK they win by being able to pick out the outfit. Let's face it though....mom really won!
Laura is insanely smart, beautiful, sweet, FUNNY, and very thoughtful. So seeing her go through this 6 year old phase of back talking, complaining and whining, is just sad for me. I know they all go through these weird and....well extrememly frustrating phases, but this one needs to leave soon. Really soon.
I have learned 2 great things. 1, just because she is going through this, doesn't make her a bad child.....not at all. It makes her normal. I am learning how to handle these fits and she is learning her boundaries.....again. And 2, I'm not alone in this. I have a lot of my mama friends telling me that their children have gone or are currently going through this same phase. I will call it the sassy 6's. EEK!
For now I will continue to show her all of my love, and all of my firmness.....later she will thank me. Or later she will have a bigger fit. Either one! Ha!
I almost want to stop her mid complaint and say "I don't want to hear this!", but I don't because I think "how awful would I feel if my mom said that to me?!"......did I complain THIS much when I was a kid?
Not only complaining, but arguing. Here is a conversation we recently had....
Me: Laura you need to go put on some warm clothes, it's a little chilly outside.
Laura: But I want to wear THIS.
Me: It wasn't a question....I was telling you to go put on warmer clothes. You may choose which warm clothes to wear, but you may not choose whether you do it or not.
Laura: I'm not doing it. (arms folded, pout face in full swing)
Me: Go put on warm clothes, or you can lay in your bed until you decide to listen.
Laura: FINE!!!!
Some times I will say "timeout for yelling at me" or "timeout for being disrespectful", and sometimes I plain old ignore it. It's true what they say.....pick your battles. My kids being outside in summer clothes when its winter is not going to happen. So, I let them wear whatever their little hearts desire, as long as its warm. It can completely not match....I don't care. Sometimes this works well for me. I win and they THINK they win by being able to pick out the outfit. Let's face it though....mom really won!
Laura is insanely smart, beautiful, sweet, FUNNY, and very thoughtful. So seeing her go through this 6 year old phase of back talking, complaining and whining, is just sad for me. I know they all go through these weird and....well extrememly frustrating phases, but this one needs to leave soon. Really soon.
I have learned 2 great things. 1, just because she is going through this, doesn't make her a bad child.....not at all. It makes her normal. I am learning how to handle these fits and she is learning her boundaries.....again. And 2, I'm not alone in this. I have a lot of my mama friends telling me that their children have gone or are currently going through this same phase. I will call it the sassy 6's. EEK!
For now I will continue to show her all of my love, and all of my firmness.....later she will thank me. Or later she will have a bigger fit. Either one! Ha!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Why do they have to grow up so fast?!
My son is about to turn 15 months (on the 9th), and I am just overwhelmed with how quickly he is growing up. I swear the other kids didn't grow as quickly. Let's face it though...after your first child....thing's get a little fuzzy in the brain department! ;)
Today we took William to get his very first hair cut. Something I've been wanting to do, yet at the same time.....something I've been pushing off. I knew he needed a hair cut. The poor child was looking a little girlish from the back. But I knew cutting those beautiful locks would mean no more baby hair. It made me sad AND happy to see that first cut happen. I'm excited for him that he is growing up and experiencing big boy things, but sad for me because he's my last baby. Enough said.
He held still the entire time, being the amazing little boy that I know. He impresses everyone when we go to the doctors office with how quiet and well behaved he is there. LOL!!!!!! If only they could see him in his natural habitat haha!
Today was the very last time I could say "my baby had his or her first hair cut!!" He's the last baby I got to experience this with. It such a strange feeling. It's so amazing, and sweet to go through everything with him, but it stings too. Just because it's all going so quickly. I don't want my baby to grow up!!! WAAAAAA!!!
The hair cut is not the only thing I've been pushing off. I've also been pushing off getting rid of the "before bed bottle". There is nothing I enjoy more than rocking my son all warm and snug in my arms, lights dim, feeding him his milk bottle. It's perfection to me. He stares into my eyes every night, plays with the blanket that hangs on the rocking chair and sometimes likes to play with my face (though I don't enjoy that part so much! LOL)
I am scared to have all my children grow up and not need me so much. There are days that I'm so overwhelmed and frustrated and stressed....a lot of time its because of how much I need to do around the house and for the kids. Having so many kids means a lot of work. But I can't imagine my life differently. I can't imagine my kids not needing me for what seems like, EVERYTHING! I can't imagine not rocking my son each and every night. We both look forward to it. Tonight for instance, Nick gave William his bottle and William walked right over to the rocker, sat on it and looked right at me as if to say, "come on mom....you know the routine". He loves it. His little eyelids become so heavy while I rock him and talk to him about our day or how much I love him.
These kids are little boogers sometimes.....make me take more deep breaths in one day than I thought imaginable, and fight as if they are cats and dogs. At the end of the day.....to me, they are perfect. Absolutely perfect. I see their little faces in the morning, and as I am tuning out their complaints (yep....all you new moms be forewarned!!! When they get past the age of 2, they somehow WAKE UP WHINY sometimes) I see their beauty, their sweetness and all the love they have for this world and our family. They make me smile, without speaking. They make my heart glow with just a hug. I can't imagine my life without each of my children.
ALL of my kids are special to me. They have their own personalities and needs from me. William is especially needy because he's the youngest, but as he is getting older and older I see him becoming more independent. :( He's my baby. My very last baby. Why oh why does it have to go so quickly???
He only gets to have the night time bottle for a few more days and then that goes away too. Sigh........I think these things hurt me more than him!!! :)
So, for now....while I sit here watching my kids grow and learn and become these amazing people, I will cherish every smile, hug, kiss, "I love you", and even the arguments.
It brings them that much closer :)
Here are a couple pictures of my handsome boy with his first haircut!
Before his hair cut:::
Today we took William to get his very first hair cut. Something I've been wanting to do, yet at the same time.....something I've been pushing off. I knew he needed a hair cut. The poor child was looking a little girlish from the back. But I knew cutting those beautiful locks would mean no more baby hair. It made me sad AND happy to see that first cut happen. I'm excited for him that he is growing up and experiencing big boy things, but sad for me because he's my last baby. Enough said.
He held still the entire time, being the amazing little boy that I know. He impresses everyone when we go to the doctors office with how quiet and well behaved he is there. LOL!!!!!! If only they could see him in his natural habitat haha!
Today was the very last time I could say "my baby had his or her first hair cut!!" He's the last baby I got to experience this with. It such a strange feeling. It's so amazing, and sweet to go through everything with him, but it stings too. Just because it's all going so quickly. I don't want my baby to grow up!!! WAAAAAA!!!
The hair cut is not the only thing I've been pushing off. I've also been pushing off getting rid of the "before bed bottle". There is nothing I enjoy more than rocking my son all warm and snug in my arms, lights dim, feeding him his milk bottle. It's perfection to me. He stares into my eyes every night, plays with the blanket that hangs on the rocking chair and sometimes likes to play with my face (though I don't enjoy that part so much! LOL)
I am scared to have all my children grow up and not need me so much. There are days that I'm so overwhelmed and frustrated and stressed....a lot of time its because of how much I need to do around the house and for the kids. Having so many kids means a lot of work. But I can't imagine my life differently. I can't imagine my kids not needing me for what seems like, EVERYTHING! I can't imagine not rocking my son each and every night. We both look forward to it. Tonight for instance, Nick gave William his bottle and William walked right over to the rocker, sat on it and looked right at me as if to say, "come on mom....you know the routine". He loves it. His little eyelids become so heavy while I rock him and talk to him about our day or how much I love him.
These kids are little boogers sometimes.....make me take more deep breaths in one day than I thought imaginable, and fight as if they are cats and dogs. At the end of the day.....to me, they are perfect. Absolutely perfect. I see their little faces in the morning, and as I am tuning out their complaints (yep....all you new moms be forewarned!!! When they get past the age of 2, they somehow WAKE UP WHINY sometimes) I see their beauty, their sweetness and all the love they have for this world and our family. They make me smile, without speaking. They make my heart glow with just a hug. I can't imagine my life without each of my children.
ALL of my kids are special to me. They have their own personalities and needs from me. William is especially needy because he's the youngest, but as he is getting older and older I see him becoming more independent. :( He's my baby. My very last baby. Why oh why does it have to go so quickly???
He only gets to have the night time bottle for a few more days and then that goes away too. Sigh........I think these things hurt me more than him!!! :)
So, for now....while I sit here watching my kids grow and learn and become these amazing people, I will cherish every smile, hug, kiss, "I love you", and even the arguments.
It brings them that much closer :)
Here are a couple pictures of my handsome boy with his first haircut!
Before his hair cut:::
After his hair cut:::
Friday, February 3, 2012
It's a daily struggle for me.....but I will rise above this.
I'm not sure why I feel embarrassed by my anxiety, but I do. I'm also embarrassed to say that. I don't judge people who deal with anything like this, so I am not sure why I feel like I will be judged, but I do.
I've been dealing with anxiety since I was pregnant with Katie. Maybe even longer, who knows, this is just when I remember really seeing it affect my daily life. Here I am 3 years later and it has come back fairly hard.
I have days where I am perfectly fine, and I have days when several times I feel panicky, worried, my heart pounds and its hard to breath. This has been harder on me since dealing with issues with my father. If I get a phone call or text from him, I'm instantly in panic mode. I'm working on it. I breath, and try to just let it go. it's not always easy, and when it takes me a few minutes I feel sad, mad and embarrassed.
I wonder if people think I'm a crazy person or something. I can assure you, I'm not. I'm just dealing with the effects of having a father who is an alcoholic.
Yesterday was especially hard on me. One of the hardest in a long time and today I feel as if I cried all night or something.
I had an appointment for my ovarian cyst, which left my cyst causing me pain the rest of the day. I have been worried about it which isn't good for my anxiety in the first place. I tried to rest as much as I could but with 4 kids, a house to clean and meals to cook....it wasn't easy. Pretty much nonexistent. ;) My father tried to text me the day before, and I ignored it. But it had been lingering in my mind. He texted me and called me last night, to which I ignored. I was folding laundry and felt like I needed to say something so I wrote "I can't speak with you at this point in my life dad, I'm sorry." He wrote back "ty". Hmm. Really? I moved on and 30 minutes later get a text that says "just when I need you, you turn your back".
What?!
Really?!
I laughed when I read it, and then I cried. I'm sick of having an alcoholic father. Hearing "I've been sober for 55 days", has been said to me more times than I can count. It's embarrassing, frustrating, sad and.....pathetic.
I've been the only one of my fathers children dumb enough to be there for him for YEARS. Since I was 18 years old, I've been there for him. All those phone calls that he said he needed my support so I gave it to him, those apparently don't matter.
The times when I gave my children baths, made diner and put them to bed without saying a word to my BABIES....just so I could "be there for him". I regret that, but those apparently don't matter.
This is why I'm angry. I chose HIM, and his drunk, sick phone calls, over being a good mother sometimes. That will never, ever happen again. Ever.
"Just when I need you, you turn your back.". Wow. He doesn't get it. I'm not sure he ever will. I'm not his care taker, companion, friend.....I'm supposed to be his daughter. I shouldn't have to be here for him AGAIN while he tries to resist the booze. It's not my job. I'm not going back there again. I can't. I am dealing with anxiety mostly because of this, and he doesn't get why I can't "be there" for him now.
Bummer.
I told him that I have been there for him. I now have to focus on my own issues because of his childish choices.
My kids and husband are what NEED me. I'm here for THEM. I can't help people that choose not to help themselves. I won't.
So.....I'm feeling frazzled today, a little out of sorts, and ...... sad. I'm just sad.
I thank god that I have parents that I CAN rely on. That have never fed me lies, and called me names. I'm thankful for my mom and dad that are both great examples to me, and my brothers.
For now I'm focusing on me. Just being here, in the present, with my family. One deep breath at a time.
I've been dealing with anxiety since I was pregnant with Katie. Maybe even longer, who knows, this is just when I remember really seeing it affect my daily life. Here I am 3 years later and it has come back fairly hard.
I have days where I am perfectly fine, and I have days when several times I feel panicky, worried, my heart pounds and its hard to breath. This has been harder on me since dealing with issues with my father. If I get a phone call or text from him, I'm instantly in panic mode. I'm working on it. I breath, and try to just let it go. it's not always easy, and when it takes me a few minutes I feel sad, mad and embarrassed.
I wonder if people think I'm a crazy person or something. I can assure you, I'm not. I'm just dealing with the effects of having a father who is an alcoholic.
Yesterday was especially hard on me. One of the hardest in a long time and today I feel as if I cried all night or something.
I had an appointment for my ovarian cyst, which left my cyst causing me pain the rest of the day. I have been worried about it which isn't good for my anxiety in the first place. I tried to rest as much as I could but with 4 kids, a house to clean and meals to cook....it wasn't easy. Pretty much nonexistent. ;) My father tried to text me the day before, and I ignored it. But it had been lingering in my mind. He texted me and called me last night, to which I ignored. I was folding laundry and felt like I needed to say something so I wrote "I can't speak with you at this point in my life dad, I'm sorry." He wrote back "ty". Hmm. Really? I moved on and 30 minutes later get a text that says "just when I need you, you turn your back".
What?!
Really?!
I laughed when I read it, and then I cried. I'm sick of having an alcoholic father. Hearing "I've been sober for 55 days", has been said to me more times than I can count. It's embarrassing, frustrating, sad and.....pathetic.
I've been the only one of my fathers children dumb enough to be there for him for YEARS. Since I was 18 years old, I've been there for him. All those phone calls that he said he needed my support so I gave it to him, those apparently don't matter.
The times when I gave my children baths, made diner and put them to bed without saying a word to my BABIES....just so I could "be there for him". I regret that, but those apparently don't matter.
This is why I'm angry. I chose HIM, and his drunk, sick phone calls, over being a good mother sometimes. That will never, ever happen again. Ever.
"Just when I need you, you turn your back.". Wow. He doesn't get it. I'm not sure he ever will. I'm not his care taker, companion, friend.....I'm supposed to be his daughter. I shouldn't have to be here for him AGAIN while he tries to resist the booze. It's not my job. I'm not going back there again. I can't. I am dealing with anxiety mostly because of this, and he doesn't get why I can't "be there" for him now.
Bummer.
I told him that I have been there for him. I now have to focus on my own issues because of his childish choices.
My kids and husband are what NEED me. I'm here for THEM. I can't help people that choose not to help themselves. I won't.
So.....I'm feeling frazzled today, a little out of sorts, and ...... sad. I'm just sad.
I thank god that I have parents that I CAN rely on. That have never fed me lies, and called me names. I'm thankful for my mom and dad that are both great examples to me, and my brothers.
For now I'm focusing on me. Just being here, in the present, with my family. One deep breath at a time.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
When does it get better?
I'm feeling particularly anxious lately. For three days in a row now, I've felt nervous, and worried. I'm so tired, and just want to not feel my heart race.
I've been dealing with some anxiety issues since I was pregnant with Katie. At least, that's when I began to notice it. I'm sure we all deal with degrees of anxiety...it's normal, but right now I'm more anxious than normal. I think it does stem from my father. All the issues I've dealt with over the years.
I will just be doing my normal day to day stuff and all of a sudden feel hot, and worried. I think to myself "what am I so nervous about?" and then before I can blink I'm thinking and worrying about every possible thing to worry about. Kids, finances....everything. We all have these same worries and stress's. Today is bugging me though. It's the 3rd day I've felt like this (several times each day) and each time I feel anxious, I also feel emotional.
Tonight for example......I all of a sudden feel my heart racing and am taking deep breaths. I become immediately emotional thinking about how it was my fathers birthday recently and I didn't want to call him. I didn't speak to him. Then my mind switches to wow.....I never got to take a bath with William when he was a newborn.....that's so sad for me. That was a big deal for me when I had my girls....and I missed out on that with William because of the epidural problems.
Sigh......I guess I just need to vent....or ramble about how I'm feeling right now. I've been doing great lately. Feeling happy and content in my life. But this week has been hard with this anxious feeling. It only lasts a few minutes, I feel a lot of different emotions sometimes, but nervous is the most frequent. What the hell?!
Also the most frequent is my mind going straight to my father. My anger with him. See.....here it is.....affecting my life, and THAT is why I'm angry. I'm not sure how it all fits in together, but it just does. I'm wanting it to go away....I'm wanting my anger with him to go away and I want to stop worrying about the future and how we might not speak to each other again.
I can only hope writing about this can help in some way. I feel really angry tonight, and I'm not even sure specifically what about. Just angry about him in general. Why? Maybe it would do me some good to actually talk to a professional. Just to get my thoughts out and have some feedback about these feelings. That right there....just typing that makes me feel frustrated. I told Nick YEARS ago, that one day my father would put me in therapy. Sigh......
So I'm off for bed. I'm going to breath and think about all the amazing positive things I have in my life. I am truly a lucky girl to have such great loving kids, a husband that would do anything for me, family that loves me unconditionally, and friends that are always there for me. These things will always bring a smile to my face and a calming to the anxious feelings I have been getting.
I've been dealing with some anxiety issues since I was pregnant with Katie. At least, that's when I began to notice it. I'm sure we all deal with degrees of anxiety...it's normal, but right now I'm more anxious than normal. I think it does stem from my father. All the issues I've dealt with over the years.
I will just be doing my normal day to day stuff and all of a sudden feel hot, and worried. I think to myself "what am I so nervous about?" and then before I can blink I'm thinking and worrying about every possible thing to worry about. Kids, finances....everything. We all have these same worries and stress's. Today is bugging me though. It's the 3rd day I've felt like this (several times each day) and each time I feel anxious, I also feel emotional.
Tonight for example......I all of a sudden feel my heart racing and am taking deep breaths. I become immediately emotional thinking about how it was my fathers birthday recently and I didn't want to call him. I didn't speak to him. Then my mind switches to wow.....I never got to take a bath with William when he was a newborn.....that's so sad for me. That was a big deal for me when I had my girls....and I missed out on that with William because of the epidural problems.
Sigh......I guess I just need to vent....or ramble about how I'm feeling right now. I've been doing great lately. Feeling happy and content in my life. But this week has been hard with this anxious feeling. It only lasts a few minutes, I feel a lot of different emotions sometimes, but nervous is the most frequent. What the hell?!
Also the most frequent is my mind going straight to my father. My anger with him. See.....here it is.....affecting my life, and THAT is why I'm angry. I'm not sure how it all fits in together, but it just does. I'm wanting it to go away....I'm wanting my anger with him to go away and I want to stop worrying about the future and how we might not speak to each other again.
I can only hope writing about this can help in some way. I feel really angry tonight, and I'm not even sure specifically what about. Just angry about him in general. Why? Maybe it would do me some good to actually talk to a professional. Just to get my thoughts out and have some feedback about these feelings. That right there....just typing that makes me feel frustrated. I told Nick YEARS ago, that one day my father would put me in therapy. Sigh......
So I'm off for bed. I'm going to breath and think about all the amazing positive things I have in my life. I am truly a lucky girl to have such great loving kids, a husband that would do anything for me, family that loves me unconditionally, and friends that are always there for me. These things will always bring a smile to my face and a calming to the anxious feelings I have been getting.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Putting yourself first is A-OK!
In October of last year I decided to start putting myself first. Now, I know what you are thinking "how awful of this mother to put her children last!". Hardly! What I mean is, I was finding myself not ever working out, rarely drinking water....or anything, holding my pee for hours, eating quick junk snacks that I could grab and go.....all because EVERYTHING else came first.
I set a few REQUIREMENTS for myself. I made myself drink a glass of water each time I had to go into the kitchen. Boom.....I was immediately drinking more water than I needed in a day, because as mothers we all know the kitchen is basically where life is revolved around. I told myself, each time a kid woke up from a nap, I needed to go to the restroom before getting him/her. Because it might be hours before I got the chance again!
How crazy is it that as parents we literally put our needs last for our children, spouses, CLEANING. I was tired of it. I'm a person. I have needs and wants too and by golly......they will be met! :)
I've lost 30 pounds since the beginning of October. Which means I've lost a total of 65 pounds in one year. Wow. Mostly because I told myself I am good enough to put myself first sometimes. I asked Nick to do whatever he needed to do to give me one hour a day to workout. He gladly has helped. I am lucky to have him, and to have him realize my needs.
So, for all you moms that are eating junk food because its quick....stop. Take 10 minutes to make yourself a meal you will feel happy about eating. GO PEE for goodness sake! It's bad for us women to hold it you know! That bladder of yours only gets lower from here on out! So do it a favor and empty it! WORKOUT!!! Stop the excuses. Yes, they are ALL excuses. Working out sucks. It hurts and you sweat and sometimes you feel like a fool doing all the moves that, the perfect lady in the dvd is doing. Do it anyway. That lady isn't perfect!!! :) Read. Put the kids to bed 10 minutes earlier than normal and take that extra time to read. You will feel more relaxed and centered after reading anything...except a magazine ;) DRINK WATER!! Soda is easy to grab but your stomach hates it. Believe me. Stop drinking it for a month and then take a swig of that junk.....barf! You wont go back...I promise! Your body needs water to survive. You will feel more full, happy and not in a funk if you drink more water. You will save money while you are at it!!
My basic message here is that its ok to do things for yourself. Its ok to say, "I need to workout, please take the kids". "I'm going to window shop, because I want to". We live one life. How awful would it be to look back and see that you never had your needs met. Obviously our kids and spouses are the most important priorities to all of us....but don't ever forget about yourself. You are pretty important too! ;)
I set a few REQUIREMENTS for myself. I made myself drink a glass of water each time I had to go into the kitchen. Boom.....I was immediately drinking more water than I needed in a day, because as mothers we all know the kitchen is basically where life is revolved around. I told myself, each time a kid woke up from a nap, I needed to go to the restroom before getting him/her. Because it might be hours before I got the chance again!
How crazy is it that as parents we literally put our needs last for our children, spouses, CLEANING. I was tired of it. I'm a person. I have needs and wants too and by golly......they will be met! :)
I've lost 30 pounds since the beginning of October. Which means I've lost a total of 65 pounds in one year. Wow. Mostly because I told myself I am good enough to put myself first sometimes. I asked Nick to do whatever he needed to do to give me one hour a day to workout. He gladly has helped. I am lucky to have him, and to have him realize my needs.
So, for all you moms that are eating junk food because its quick....stop. Take 10 minutes to make yourself a meal you will feel happy about eating. GO PEE for goodness sake! It's bad for us women to hold it you know! That bladder of yours only gets lower from here on out! So do it a favor and empty it! WORKOUT!!! Stop the excuses. Yes, they are ALL excuses. Working out sucks. It hurts and you sweat and sometimes you feel like a fool doing all the moves that, the perfect lady in the dvd is doing. Do it anyway. That lady isn't perfect!!! :) Read. Put the kids to bed 10 minutes earlier than normal and take that extra time to read. You will feel more relaxed and centered after reading anything...except a magazine ;) DRINK WATER!! Soda is easy to grab but your stomach hates it. Believe me. Stop drinking it for a month and then take a swig of that junk.....barf! You wont go back...I promise! Your body needs water to survive. You will feel more full, happy and not in a funk if you drink more water. You will save money while you are at it!!
My basic message here is that its ok to do things for yourself. Its ok to say, "I need to workout, please take the kids". "I'm going to window shop, because I want to". We live one life. How awful would it be to look back and see that you never had your needs met. Obviously our kids and spouses are the most important priorities to all of us....but don't ever forget about yourself. You are pretty important too! ;)
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