Sunday, July 15, 2012

30 Day Challenge, Day 20!

 Today I'm supposed to write about concerts I've been to.....but since I've never been to one, I'm going to write about stress as a mother.

 I'm dealing with anxiety, and have been since I was pregnant with Katie in 2008. I haven't found a great way to deal with it yet. Usually I get an "attack" every week maybe once or twice and it only lasts about a minute. I feel extremely nervous, hot, and just panicked over all. Yesterday however, was a different story. I was dealing with this crap all day long. It was awful. I felt sick to my stomach because of that feeling. It made me angry, which led my husband and I to argue a little, and me to be on edge with the kids.

 The day did end well, but I look back and feel like a failure as a mother. I was dealing with the anxiety and being stressed at the same time. I should have taken more breaths, relaxed and not been so impatient. Shoulda', coulda', woulda', right?

 I try so hard to be "perfect" for these kids. I want them to be "perfectly happy", and well....that's so damn stressful and so far from realistic. Nothing is perfect, and normal emotions DO include, angry, sad, an even STRESSED!

 Since I've been a mom, I find myself feeling guilty when I am stressed. I become short with the kids, and not as happy go lucky with them. Ugh, even writing that out, makes me feel guilty.

 I'm learning that nobody is perfect, perfect doesn't exist. It's ok to feel stressed as a mom, and that what we need the most is a second to breathe. An extra hug from anyone willing to hug us, an ear to listen to us, and maybe even a drink or two! ;)

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