Tuesday, July 17, 2012

30 Day Challenge, Day 21!!

Day 21!! Today I'm writing about step kids, and blended families. So many families are blended now days, that I think a lot of people can relate to what I go through and how I feel.

For those that don't know (and those that do, I'm sorry to repeat myself so much!) I've been raising my son Nicholas since he was 3, and I was 18. Wow.....he is about to be 13 years old, and I sit here feeling like those years have literally flown by. When I met him he called me "girl". I thought it was cute, yet sad, that he only knew a couple words at the age of 3. If you have kids, you know how much we want our children to be able to speak correctly. How frustrating and stressful it feels when they barely speak clearly past the age of 2. Nicholas wasn't my "son" when he was three. It took a little more time then that to become his mommy. Nonetheless, I made it my mission to teach this child to speak. I won't bash his parents....Nick and Zoe were young, and naive in my opinion. Parenting is hard work, and that is what a lot of teen parents fail to see, sometimes. I don't believe ALL teen parents are the same....I was 18, a teen myself and took on parenting a child that wasn't mine.

I've been through the ringer with my son. Been there to sign him up for school, all his appointments, taught him to read, to write and obviously to speak. I've been there for every first day of school, and every day in between. I've disciplined, loved and taught manners. I've cuddled, frowned at, and held his hand. I have been his mom.

He used to visit his mother during summer break. It hurt our family to send him off for a few weeks. We always missed him, and it was so hard to explain to Laura. When we moved here, to Redding, where his mother lives, our lives changed even more. He went from seeing her in the summer to visiting every other weekend. Now that it's summer he is with her EVERY weekend, and I cant begin to explain how much my heart hurts because of this.

I want him to be around his mother and to know that side of his family. He has 3 other siblings that he SHOULD know. But I can't help but feel that I've lost a piece of my son when we moved here. I know it has a lot to do with age as well, but I am not going to deny that him being around his mother has changed him a little. He loves going there, it's a free for all, what kid wouldn't!? It's just hard.

There have been times that I've honestly thought to myself "it would have been a lot easier if I just acted as step mom all those years". I am glad I didn't do that, I am glad he is MY son, but it's hard to share a child you raise, to a woman that was never there. A woman that makes up stories as to why she wasn't there. It's hard.

Being the "step" parent sucks truthfully. Or maybe it's just a mom thing in general? I'm the bad guy because I am strict with grades, chores and rules. Believe me this kid has fun, but I won't allow D's and F's. Shoot me.

I've learned so much since being here. To back off a little. Let him experience some things on his own when it comes to his mother. He will see her for who she is, on his own. I try to sit back and let him tell me about his weekends, while I clinch my teeth lol!!

I'm jealous. And angry. Why does she get him when she wasn't around before? Why does he behave so well for HER?! I get it. Kids are better behaved for everyone else, but I take it personally I guess.

I'm learning to get past that, and just be "consistent, loving mom". Everyone tells me he will thank me one day.....I will be here waiting :)

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