Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Learning about myself.

Sometimes I wonder if there are other mothers out there that feel like they don't fully know who they are yet. I certainly can't be alone in this. I've been a mom for 10 years now and there are day's that I sit back and think "whoa, I didn't realize I felt this way about this situation".

Times change, the years pass and you change too. Your feelings, thoughts and beliefs change. It's natural.

There was a time, when I was a new mother. I was 18 years old. I felt so much pressure to BE. You know what I'm saying? The pressure to be this person that I didn't know anything about. I was a mother to a 3 year old little boy, that I took as my own son, and I had to learn everything. I wasn't given a baby from day one, and grew with this baby, I felt like I all of a sudden had this toddler looking at me like "well, now what?". I didn't know.

It took me a long time from THAT point to realize that it's ok to not know EXACTLY who you are. It's ok to FIND OUT who you are through growth, and time.

I know there are other parents out there, mother's specifically, that have the same fear that I did. They fear that they aren't enough, because they don't know exactly who they are yet.

First realize this.....it takes a lifetime to know all of YOU. I'm 28 now, and I feel like I learn new thing's about myself all the time. My kids present me with new situations, and I'm tested. Many times there are situations that I am solid on. Then there are some that I have to almost look AT myself and say "well, Kristin, what do you think? How are you going to deal with this?"

At 28, I do feel as though I know so much about ME. About Kristin. But I can't help but feel as though I have so much more to learn. About me, and life itself.

Life feels easier now that I've learned that it's ok to not be perfect, and to NOT know everything. You learn in elementary school that you are special being you, and that not knowing everything is a GOOD thing. But when you become a mother, all of that fades away. You forget. You are thrust into this world of mother's from all walks of life, willing and ready to spout their own beliefs and opinions. Which makes you feel less than, which in turn makes you feel like you know so little about yourself, and what kind of mother you are.

We all start from square one, whether it be from having a newborn, adopting a 3 year old, or becoming a step parent to a 10 year old. We all have to start somewhere, and we all have to slowly figure out who we are. What we believe in. What kind of parents we are trying to be. And where we want to go in this journey we call life.


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